Swingin Round the Cirkle. | Page 7

a d----d Ablishun war,

wich they didn't approve uv no how.
Then hevin ascertained the material for officerin his army, he axed all
them who bed bin in the service as privates to step forerd. 20,000
obeyed, and the President asked the fust one where he enlisted, who
ansered ez follows:--
"At Noo York, April 12, 1864, bounty $1,000; and at Philadelphia,
April 14, 1864, bounty $700; and at Pittsburgh, April 16, 1864, bounty
$800; and at Cincernati, April 19, 1864, bounty $400; and at--"
"Enough," said Fernandy, and glancin down the line, and seein all the
faces were uv the same style and expression, he asked no more uv em
any questions.
Remarkin that it wuz well enough to establish a church, he desired all
who were ministers uv the Gospel to step forerd. 21 stept out and
desired to explain. They cood not say that they were just now in full
connexion with any church. They hed bin, but their unconstooshnel
Ablishin Synods and conferences hed accoosed em uv irregularities in
hoss tradin, and various other irregularities, and suspended em, and
silenced em and sich, becoz they were Democrats, but--
The President shrugged his sholders, and asked all who cood read to
step out. About one-half answered, and then he requestid sich uv this
number ez cood be prevaled upon to accept a small office, and who
bleeved theirselves fit, to step out agin, and to my unutterable horror
and consternation, every one but five stepped out ez brisk ez so many
bees. Immejitly there wuz an uproar. Them ez coodent read swore
vociferously that there wuz nothin fair about that arrangement. They
never knowd that a man wuz obliged to be able to read to hold office in
the Democratic party, and they'd never stand that, and they all stepped
out.
Finally it wuz decided that a election should be held at some fucher
time.
The next step wuz to divide em up into employments. The President

requested them ez preferred to foller mekanikle employments to step
out: Sum thirty advanced. Them ez preferred farmin: About fifty stept
out. Them ez expected to run small groceries:
There wuz a sound like the rush uv many waters. Ninety-eight per cent,
uv all--ceptin the officers and preachers--sprung to the front, but when
they saw ther strength, their faces turned white. "Good Lord!"
whispered they; "we can't make a livin out uv the remainin two per cent.
and the officers and preachers!"
The mass then demanded a division uv the property, that all mite start
alike, but upon takin a inventory, it wuz found not wuth while to bother
about a division.
Then they commenced murmurin, and sed wun to another, "Oh for the
flesh pots uv the Egypt we left!" "I cood, at hum, live off my Ablishn
nabers." "There wuz rich men in our ward, but ez we hed the majority,
they paid taxes, which we spent!" "Ablishnists is pizen, but it is well
enough to hev enough uv em to tax!" and ez wun man, they resolved to
return, and the confusion that resulted from the breakin up awoke me.
There is onquestionably a moral in the vision. Ez often ez I hev syed
for perpetual Democratic majorities, I hev sumtimes, when our party
wuz successful, and bid fair to be so permanently, wondered what we
would do with the Treasury ef we didn't lose the offices occasionally,
so ez to hev the other party nurse it into pickin condition for us.
I don't think I shood like to live in a unanimous Dimocratic community.
PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo
Dispensashun.

IV.
A Change of Base--Kentucky.--A Sermon which was interrupted by a
Subjugated and Subdued Confederate.

CONFEDRIT × ROADS (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), December
9, 1865.
Here in the grate Stait uv Kentucky, the last hope uv Democrisy, I hev
pitched my tent, and here I propose to lay these old bones when Deth,
who has a mortgage onto all uv us, shall see fit to 4close. I didn't like to
leave Washinton. I luv it for its memories. Here stands the Capitol
where the President makes his appintments; there is the Post Offis
Department, where all the Postmasters is appinted. Here it was that
Jaxon rooled. I hed a respex for Jaxon. I can't say I luved him, for he
never yoosed us rite. He hated the Whigs ez bad ez we did, but after we
beat em and elevated him to the Presidency, the stealins didn't come in
ez fast ez we expected. Never shel I forgit the compliment he paid me.
Jest after his election I presented myself afore him with my papers, an
applicant for a place. He read em, and scanned me with a critic's