principles for dating | Page 2

be yoked together with
unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light
have with darkness?” Paul draws on the analogy from Deuteronomy 22: 10 which prohibits harnessing an
ox and a donkey together for plowing. The result would be disastrous since they would pull a plow at
different speeds and end up going nowhere. It is impossible for two different species of animals to pull a
plow properly since they have too many incompatible traits. The same is true between a believer and an
unbeliever when it comes to dating. The differences are so great Paul contrasts it to light and darkness or
Christ and Belial.
This principle applies to Christians as well. It is possible for two Christians to be dating and still be
unequally yoked. One person may be committed to the Lord while the other may be worldly. It is not
enough to date someone who goes to church. We must see if the other person’s life reflects a heart for
God. The first girl I dated was a pastor’s daughter. Although she spoke the right words and outwardly
lived a good life, I soon discovered her heart and mind were not on the Lord. After a few weeks, our
worldly and frustrating relationship came to a bitter end.
The application of this principle is simple. A Christian should never date a non-Christian for any reason.
That does not mean we cannot be friends with unbelievers. How else would we win them to Christ?
However, we should not be in a dating relationship with non-Christians. Missionary dating: dating
someone with hopes you will win them to Christ, is always an unwise practice for Christians. The person
you want to date is someone who has shown him or herself to be faithful and growing in the Lord.
The second principle is what I call the three M’s: Master, Mission, Mate. The first priority in a Christian’s
life is to know his or her Master, Jesus Christ. Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and
His righteousness.” From this relationship, all of life falls into its proper place.
After knowing your Master, you need to discover the wonderful Mission He has for your life. Ephesians
2: 10 states, “For we are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God
prepared in advance for us to do.” Your future partner will compliment the mission God has called you to.
That is why to the students I have worked with, I do not recommend they date anyone seriously until
college-because in high school, they are often unclear on God’s call in their life.
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Principles for Dating


The third M stands for Mate. This must follow the first two priorities. The best dating relationships come
when two people who know God and know their mission, are walking down the same paths toward the
same goal. Somewhere down the road their paths will connect. From that point, they march together on
the same path. God will determine that meeting point at the best time.
Marks of a Healthy Relationship
I am often asked, “How do I know if I am in a healthy dating relationship?” Here are a few ways to tell.
Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” When two swords rub
against one another, they result in two even sharper and better swords. The same should be true when two
believers are together. They should make each other stronger in the Lord. They do this by encouraging
the other to grow in the Lord, exhorting each other to become more like Jesus each time they are together.
Positive constructive changes are produced in one another. A healthy relationship looks like a triangle.
The man and woman stand at the bottom corners. At the top of the triangle is God. As each person moves
closer to God, they move closer to each other. The focus of each individual is the Lord.
When I first entered the ministry, like most men I was goal oriented and insensitive to others. It’s not that
I didn’t care about others-it was that I was so focused on the goals I often ran over other people to
accomplish the task. As I started dating the young lady who became my wife, she pointed out these flaws,
and through her “sharpening process,” I have become more balanced. I am still goal oriented, but I am
also learning to be more sensitive to others around me in the process of meeting my goals.
The question to ask about the person you are dating is, “Do I get closer to God as a result of being with
this person?” or “Do I love Jesus more today because of