principles for dating

Principles for Dating
Patrick Zukeran
What Is Love?
We were made to love and be loved. God is love (1 John 4:16), and be ings made in His image need to
experience love. Among the spiritual virtues found in th e Bible, love stands preeminent. It is no wonder
the devil has worked hard to distort its meaning.
Today, the word love has been misconstrued in several ways. One misconception is, love is sex.
Hollywood has bombarded the media with this definiti on. When two people are “in love” in the movies,
they immediately get sexually involved. Biblically, however, the proper place for sex is in marriage.
There are at least two commitments involved in the in stitution of marriage. First, there is the commitment
each partner makes to honor, protect, and be faithful to the other for life. Second, true marriage involves a
commitment to the larger society to abide by these principles. Thus, in a healthy society, the individual’s
failure to keep these commitments is recognized as social irresponsibility and the violation of a covenant.
Seen from this vantage point, sex outside the context of marriage is not only selfish indulgence and
exploitation, but also social anarchy on a small scale because it threatens the stability of society which is
based on the bedrock of marriage.
Remember that Hollywood portrays a distorted view of reality. But we often laugh when we see scenes
that are factually ridiculous. For example, one ab surd scenario we often see in movies occurs when a
group of skilled soldiers hidden behind trees and armed w ith machine guns open fire at the hero who is in
close range and fully exposed. Even so, the trained mark smen all miss him, but with a single pistol in his
hand, the hero annihilates his enemies. We laugh, knowing that this is the fantasyland of Hollywood.
However, we often buy into the scene of two people falling in love, getting sexually involved, and then
leaving one another without any consequences. Just as the first illustration was absurd, so is this second.
Yet, too many people have been deceived into this type of thinking. They frequently think that if no
pregnancy was involved, there was no harm done. Yet the reality is that sexual involvement can lead to
such consequences as emotional pain, feelings of exploitation, guilt, sexually transmitted diseases, and
harmful memories that are not forgotten. Do not buy into the definition that love is sex.
A second misconception is that love is a feeling. Love needs to stir up emotions of excitement, happiness,
and passion. It must make me feel good. When we define love as an emotion, we inflate the accuracy of
emotions. True, there are good feelings associated with love, but love als\
o involves self-sacrifice and
perseverance in difficulty. Love is a commitment to do wh at is right even if there is pain. Love defined as
an emotion is not love at all-but a self-centered desire for pleasure.

Principles for Dating


A third mistaken view of love is the belief that love is conditional: I love you if you meet my
expectations. It requires the other person to perform up to a desired level before any love is given. This
love is shallow and self-centered. In the end, conditional love proves to be destructive.
True love begins with God. Only His love can fill the emptiness in our heart. The people we date and
even marry can never meet our deepest needs. In 1 John 3:16 we read, “This is how we know w\
hat love
is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us.” God the Son valued us so much, He was willing to suffer and
die on the cross so that we could have a meaningful relationship with Him. He loves us unconditionally,
even though we can never repay Him. God’s definition of love is a committed, sacrificial, and
unconditional love. This is the kind of love that any solid friendship, dating, and marriage relationship
must be built on. God’s way of love is the key to a significant life and to meaningful relationships.
In order to love God’s way, we must first experience God’s love personally. Only when we know we are
loved just for who we are, and we are secure in God’s love, can we share that love with others.
Principles to Remember
When I began dating, I didn’t have a clue what God’s Word said on the subject. As a result, my first few
dates caused both parties a lot of unnecessary pain. These hurtful experiences could have easily been
avoided, if I had followed two principles from God’s Word.
The first principle comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14 which states, “Do not