Tartarin of Tarascon | Page 6

and plunging fiercely into the gloom with his cane waved on
high.
On arriving in the street where stood his club-house, the dauntless one
would linger yet a moment, walking up and down before the portals ere
entering. But, finally, weary of awaiting "them," and certain "they"
would not show "themselves," he would fling a last glare of defiance
into the shades and snarl wrathfully:
"Nothing, nothing at all! there never is nothing!"
Upon which double negation, which he meant as a stronger affirmative,
the worthy champion would walk in to play his game of bezique with
the commandant.

VI. The two Tartarins.
ANSWER me, you will say, how the mischief is it that Tartarin of
Tarascon never left Tarascon with all this mania for adventure, need of
powerful sensations, and folly about travel, rides, and journeys from
the Pole to the Equator?
For that is a fact: up to the age of five-and-forty, the dreadless
Tarasconian had never once slept outside his own room. He had not
even taken that obligatory trip to Marseilles which every sound
Provencal makes upon coming of age. The most of his knowledge
included Beaucaire, and yet that's not far from Tarascon, there being
merely the bridge to go over. Unfortunately, this rascally bridge has so
often been blown away by the gales, it is so long and frail, and the
Rhone has such a width at this spot that -- well, faith! you understand!
Tartarin of Tarascon preferred terra firma.

We are afraid we must make a clean breast of it: in our hero there were
two very distinct characters. Some Father of the Church has said: "I
feel there are two men in me." He would have spoken truly in saying
this about Tartarin, who carried in his frame the soul of Don Quixote,
the same chivalric impulses, heroic ideal, and crankiness for the
grandiose and romantic; but, worse is the luck! he had not the body of
the celebrated hidalgo, that thin and meagre apology for a body, on
which material life failed to take a hold; one that could get through
twenty nights without its breast-plate being unbuckled off, and
forty-eight hours on a handful of rice. On the contrary, Tartarin's body
was a stout honest bully of a body, very fat, very weighty, most sensual
and fond of coddling, highly touchy, full of low-class appetite and
homely requirements -- the short, paunchy body on stumps of the
immortal Sancho Panza.
Don Quixote and Sancho Panza in the one same man! you will readily
comprehend what a cat-and-dog couple they made! what strife! what
clapperclawing! Oh, the fine dialogue for Lucian or Saint-Evremond to
write, between the two Tartarins -- Quixote- Tartarin and
Sancho-Tartarin! Quixote-Tartarin firing up on the stories of Gustave
Aimard, and shouting: "Up and at 'em!" and Sancho-Tartarin thinking
only of the rheumatics ahead, and murmuring: "I mean to stay at
home."
THE DUET.
QUIXOTE-TARTARIN. SANCHO-TARTARIN. (Highly excited.)
(Quite calmly.) Cover yourself with glory, Tartarin, cover yourself
Tartarin. with flannel.
(Still more excitedly.) (Still more calmly.) O for the terrible double- O
for the thick knitted barrelled rifle! O for waistcoats! and warm
bowie-knives, lassoes, knee-caps! O for the and moccasins! welcome
padded caps with ear-flaps!
(Above all self-control.) (Ringing up the maid.) A battle-axe! fetch me
a Now, then, Jeannette, do battle-axe! bring up that chocolate!

Whereupon Jeannette would appear with an unusually good cup of
chocolate, just right in warmth, sweetly smelling, and with the play of
light on watered silk upon its unctuous surface, and with succulent
grilled steak flavoured with anise-seed, which would set
Sancho-Tartarin off on the broad grin, and into a laugh that drowned
the shouts of Quixote-Tartarin.
Thus it came about that Tartarin of Tarascon never had left Tarascon.

VII. Tartarin -- The Europeans at Shanghai -- Commerce -- The Tartars
-- Can Tartarin of Tarascon be an Impostor? -- The Mirage.
UNDER one conjunction of circumstances, Tartarin did, however, once
almost start out upon a great voyage.
The three brothers Garcio-Camus, relatives of Tarascon, established in
business at Shanghai, offered him the managership of one of their
branches there. This undoubtedly presented the kind of life he hankered
after. Plenty of active business, a whole army of under-strappers to
order about, and connections with Russia, Persia, Turkey in Asia -- in
short, to be a merchant prince!
In Tartarin's mouth, the title of Merchant Prince thundered out as
something stunning!
The house of Garcio-Camus had the further advantage of sometimes
being favoured with a call from the Tartars. Then the doors would be
slammed shut, all the clerks flew to arms, up ran the consular flag, and
zizz! phit! bang! out of the windows upon the Tartars.
I need not tell you with what enthusiasm Quixote-Tartarin clutched this
proposition;