My Lady Nicotine | Page 7

open the door of the boudoir on the first floor, and climbs lazily.
The sentimental face and the clay with a crack in it are Marriot's. Gilray,
who has been rehearsing his part in the new original comedy from the
Icelandic, ceases muttering and feels his way along his dark lobby.
Jimmy pins a notice on his door, "Called away on business," and
crosses to me. Soon we are all in the old room again, Jimmy on the
hearth-rug, Marriot in the cane chair; the curtains are pinned together
with a pen-nib, and the five of us are smoking the Arcadia Mixture.
Pettigrew will be welcomed if he comes, but he is a married man, and
we seldom see him nowadays. Others will be regarded as intruders. If
they are smoking common tobaccoes, they must either be allowed to try
ours or requested to withdraw. One need only put his head in at my
door to realize that tobaccoes are of two kinds, the Arcadia and others.
No one who smokes the Arcadia would ever attempt to describe its
delights, for his pipe would be certain to go out. When he was at school,
Jimmy Moggridge smoked a cane chair, and he has since said that from
cane to ordinary mixtures was not so noticeable as the change from
ordinary mixtures to the Arcadia. I ask no one to believe this, for the
confirmed smoker in Arcadia detests arguing with anybody about
anything. Were I anxious to prove Jimmy's statement, I would merely
give you the only address at which the Arcadia is to be had. But that I
will not do. It would be as rash as proposing a man with whom I am
unacquainted for my club. You may not be worthy to smoke the

Arcadia Mixture.
[Illustration]
Even though I became attached to you, I might not like to take the
responsibility of introducing you to the Arcadia. This mixture has an
extraordinary effect upon character, and probably you want to remain
as you are. Before I discovered the Arcadia, and communicated it to the
other five--including Pettigrew--we had all distinct individualities, but
now, except in appearance--and the Arcadia even tells on that--we are
as like as holly leaves. We have the same habits, the same ways of
looking at things, the same satisfaction in each other. No doubt we are
not yet absolutely alike, indeed I intend to prove this, but in given
circumstances we would probably do the same thing, and, furthermore,
it would be what other people would not do. Thus when we are together
we are only to be distinguished by our pipes; but any one of us in the
company of persons who smoke other tobaccoes would be considered
highly original. He would be a pigtail in Europe.
[Illustration]
If you meet in company a man who has ideas and is not shy, yet refuses
absolutely to be drawn into talk, you may set him down as one of us.
Among the first effects of the Arcadia is to put an end to jabber. Gilray
had at one time the reputation of being such a brilliant talker that
Arcadians locked their doors on him, but now he is a man that can be
invited anywhere. The Arcadia is entirely responsible for the change.
Perhaps I myself am the most silent of our company, and hostesses
usually think me shy. They ask ladies to draw me out, and when the
ladies find me as hopeless as a sulky drawer, they call me stupid. The
charge may be true, but I do not resent it, for I smoke the Arcadia
Mixture, and am consequently indifferent to abuse.
I willingly gibbet myself to show how reticent the Arcadia makes us. It
happens that I have a connection with Nottingham, and whenever a
man mentions Nottingham to me, with a certain gleam in his eye, I
know that he wants to discuss the lace trade. But it is a curious fact that
the aggressive talker constantly mixes up Nottingham and Northampton.

"Oh, you know Nottingham," he says, interestedly; "and how do you
like Labouchere for a member?" Do you think I put him right? Do you
imagine me thirsting to tell that Mr. Labouchere is the Christian
member for Northampton? Do you suppose me swift to explain that Mr.
Broadhurst is one of the Nottingham members, and that the
"Nottingham lambs" are notorious in the history of political elections?
Do you fancy me explaining that he is quite right in saying that
Nottingham has a large market-place? Do you see me drawn into half
an hour's talk about Robin Hood? That is not my way. I merely reply
that we like Mr. Labouchere pretty well. It may be said that I gain
nothing by this; that the talker