How to Get Chicks Keep Em Dump Em | Page 7

let her start carrying her own
weight. Don’t fall into the offer to pay trap. A good woman will offer to
pay or possibly go Dutch on the check. Don’t let her under any
circumstances. She’ll talk it over with her friends and they’ll decide you
are cheap. You’ll never get any lovin.

After you’ve been sleeping with her on a regular basis you can start letting
her pay. A good benchmark is to compare salaries (you might not know
hers, but you can probably guess). If she makes half of what you do, then
you should probably play the sugar daddy role and suck it up most of the
time.

VI. How To Impress A Chick
Manners
• Always thank a woman who buys you something, no matter how trivial
• Never thank a woman for sex
• Always open the car door for the woman on the first few dates, then
forget about it. Any chick who expects you to open her door is a
bitch..dump her.
• Farting & burping. Don’t’ ever do it: it’s a real chick turnoff. Hold it
until it comes out slowly and silently. If you’re really gonna drop
ass—go outside or walk at least 20 feet away first.

Impress Her With Your Culinary Skills. A sure fire way to impress a
chick is to make her dinner. She will think you are the greatest and talk of
you incessantly to her girlfriends.

Atmosphere.

Lighting. Place candles strategically throughout the house to provide
romantic lighting. Chicks dig candles.
Music. Soft rock, jazz are best. I love Metallica and White Zombie, but
when I’m mac’n on some babe I always go for the Cat Stevens, David
Sanborn, or Simply Red. Always put the CD player on repeat. There is
nothing worse than the music ending in the middle of a makeout session.
Food. Always prepare the meal beforehand. The more time you have to
spend in the kitchen, the less love you’ll get. Go with a nice salad and
something you can bake that will last a while if you flip it on warm. Steaks
are bad..they’ll just burn if you’re successfully making out on the couch or
preferably in the bedroom.

I also like to put out some brie and crackers and/or shrimp and cocktail
sauce. She’ll think you’re classy and you can both sit on the couch and
drink and eat something immediately. Chicks get grouchy if they’re really
hungry, and its probably after 7:30 by now. By snacking, you also put
something into your stomach so that you’re set for a couple of hours if you
successfully negotiate the tour of the apartment/bed tackle discussed in the
next section.
Warning: Try not to look like a player. If she thinks you do this on a
regular basis, then you’re done. Tell her “I love to cook, but never get a
chance.”

Tour of the Apartment/Bed Tackle
After you’ve settled everything in the kitchen and had two or three glasses
of wine you can attempt the Tour Move. This is a simple move—you
simply say “dinner won’t be ready for a little bit, let me give you a tour of
my mammoth estate.” Once you get to your room you start a surprise
makeout session followed by a sudden loss of balance which somehow
results in both of you ending up falling on the bed. The rest is up to you,
but before you try this move be sure of the following:
• CD player must be on repeat
• Food should be on warm or it will burn
• Oven timer should be off or it will undoubtedly go off right in
the middle of your game.

VII. Sex Tips
A wise man once said “Sex is like Pizza. Even when its bad, its still pretty
good.”

Condom Use. The use of condoms is highly recommended. I know it’s a
drag, but..well you know all that.
Where to Keep Them. I recommend that you keep condoms
EVERYWHERE. And always keep at least 4 together. What the hell good
is one condom….you’re gonna need at least two for the night, and one for
the morning and you’ll probably wreck at least one trying to get it on!

I highly recommend that you keep some on you at all times. I prefer to
wear baggy pants with side pockets for storage. You might be