situation for what it is lest a woman become a victim herself of their obsessive-
compulsive needs.  
 
I know many men very well who are very open to me about the women they have sex 
with on a regular basis, but present an entirely different face to the woman.  They have to.  
Because if the woman saw the side of the man that he allows other men to see, she would 
recognize that she is being used and his “source” for sex would dr\
y up instantly. 
 
The fact that servicing a man sexually is a dead end street has been documented for 
decades.  This was borne out by a Columbia University study in the 1980’s which 
showed that less than 1 out of 5 men ever married a woman he had cohabited with.  The 
statistics are even more abysmal today, which is why the rate of babies born out of 
wedlock is skyrocketing right under our noses! 
 
One young man I am familiar with in his late 30’s, right now, has been deeply involved 
with a lovely woman for years, having sex with her as regularly as clock work.  He gets 
by well enough, relieving his conscience by officially telling her that marriage is not on 
their agenda.  At the same time, though, he knows darn well it is only her hope that he’s 
going to change his mind that keeps her supplying him. 
 
And what makes this all the more maddening is my awareness that he has recently begun 
seeing a woman on the side that he is VERY interested in who is a 35 year old VIRGIN!  
And she is very clear to him that the only way that will change for her is when she’s 
married.  Need I even point out that sex cannot be what is keeping him coming around in 
this case, except for the possibility that he is toying in his mind with actually going ahead 
and marrying her!  So the one that has given and given of herself is on the verge of 
getting the boot, while the one who has reserved herself wins the man the other wanted! 
 
What a Man Really Wants 
 
My purpose today is to tell you the truth.  What men really want are emotionally strong 
women – women who love them, but who won’t submit to extortion.  A woman 
telegraphs weakness, though, when she surrenders her body, her soul, and her integrity in 
the vain hope of holding on to the man for just a little longer.  Contrary to popular 
perception, that is NOT a good love tactic, nor is it effective in winning his heart and 
getting him to the altar. 
 
The truth is…and this is going to hit a lot of men right between the eyes, but hey I’m 
feeling reckless at this point…men often think that if a woman is willing to believe his 
lies and allow herself to be used by him, then she deserves just what she gets.  So, being 
the selfish sexual addict that he is, he’ll go ahead and use her, but in most cases he won’t 
ever marry her, and in the few cases he does he won’t be excited about it! 
 
You see, girls, what a man says he wants and what he really wants are often worlds apart.  
He says he wants a woman who will submit to his carnal needs, but what he really wants 
and needs is a woman strong enough to motivate him emotionally and spiritually.  And 
Copyright © 2003 Couples Company All Rights Reserved http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/TOM/BornAgainVirgin1.htm 
4
How to Get a Man to the Alter without having sex first  By Tom McNight 
the only way to do the latter is for the woman to be on higher moral ground herself!  She 
must not be fool enough to believe the man’s lies, and she must be strong enough to resist 
his attempts to reduce her to an object by using her. 
 
There are three indispensable components, fundamentals of what makes people fall in 
love:  FRIENDSHIP, RESPECT, and PASSION.  The main problem with allowing 
yourself to be used, or to be taken for granted, even in the smallest way is that it destroys 
the second of these three pillars and demolishes any chance for the man to fall in love 
with you. 
 
The Embarrassed Virgin 
 
Years ago, as a young social worker, I went on a work related trip 
with a number of women where I was the only man present.  After 
a few hours on the road together, the women began opening up to 
each other (and to me) about things I could never have imagined    
    
		
	
	
	Continue reading on your phone by scaning this QR Code
 
	 	
	
	
	    Tip: The current page has been bookmarked automatically. If you wish to continue reading later, just open the 
Dertz Homepage, and click on the 'continue reading' link at the bottom of the page.
	    
	    
