who will lie, lie, 
and lie again to get his fix.  Unless a woman understands and comes to grips with this 
fact, she is destined to become victim to those lies. 
 
Some men would accuse me of breaking the “code” of my own gender by openly telling 
you this, but I’m not here to uphold an immoral code I don’t believe in.  I believe that in 
order for men to be truly happy, they must eventually enter a win/win relationship that 
includes exchanging a committed marital vow in return for the sexual affection bestowed.  
I believe in paying for what I get, emotionally speaking.  This is not only best for the 
woman, in the long run it is best for the man as well.  
 
Those men who “cheat” a woman of her rightful due in this regard will learn in due 
course that they have only been cheating themselves.  When a man uses a woman for sex, 
always pretending to leave the door open to marriage (just enough to keep her hoping), it 
is never win/win.  It is actually win/lose.  And if win/lose, then ultimately it will be 
lose/lose – even for him. 
 
Woman yearns mostly for love and commitment.  Man primarily desires sex.  The fair 
tradeoff is: sex in a loving and committed marriage.  Women traditionally have had a 
strong bargaining chip when coming to the negotiating table.  But somewhere over the 
last century, men have succeeded in bluffing women out of their strong position.  Most 
Copyright © 2003 Couples Company All Rights Reserved http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/TOM/BornAgainVirgin1.htm 
2
How to Get a Man to the Alter without having sex first  By Tom McNight 
women don’t know how powerful they really are, if they just exercise their determination 
in this regard. 
 
Man has stood eyeball to eyeball to woman…and she has blinked!!  It was a bluff on his 
part – it’s always been a bluff – and the woman has fallen for it.  The bluff is that if a 
woman doesn’t go to bed with a man if she loves him then she will lose her chance to win 
his love in return. 
 
In actuality, men prefer strong women who can resist them and say no.  Men need strong 
women who can say no.  Admittedly this paradox is frustrating to a man, because he is 
also fighting a sexual urge that is both constant and strong all the time.  But emotional 
and spiritual growth never was easy, and a permissive woman denies him this opportunity 
to progress. 
 
The Male’s Addiction to Sex 
 GUY LOGIC ON SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE 
“Well, you 
wouldn’t expect 
me to buy a car 
without kicking 
the tires first, 
would you?” 
 
GUY REALITY 
 
He's been 
kicking the 
same tires for 
over four 
years!!  And 
he’s trying to 
imply that he 
just hasn’t 
made up his 
mind yet?!!  
A man is like a drug addict, prisoner to his sexual addiction but 
desperately wanting a way out.  Most men dream of finding the 
perfect woman who will be his equal and not easily 
blackmailed by his lies.  At the same time, men’s sexual drive 
continually makes them take advantage of easy prey while 
subconsciously hoping to find the woman who stands above 
the crowd. 
 
Understand, too, that the woman is not the only one the addict 
lies to.  He often is lying to himself as well.  One close 
acquaintance uses the line on me, “Well, you wouldn’t expect 
me to buy a car without kicking the tires first, would you?” 
 
How incredibly naïve such a comparison is!  Who does he 
think he’s kidding? 
 
Not only are we talking about something so much more 
important than the cars on a tire, but this particular 
acquaintance has been kicking the same tires for over four 
years!!  And he’s trying to imply that he just hasn’t made up 
his mind yet?!!  What a crock of bologna!  He is only fooling 
himself, in his desperate attempt to justify his entirely selfish 
and compulsive actions.  Remember, though, that’s what 
addicts do: they lie to justify their obsessive-compulsive 
behaviors! 
 
In revealing this fact my intention is not to stand in judgment 
of, or condemn, those of my gender.  Men are not purposely malicious and evil.  Most of 
them are victims themselves, much like a drug addict in need of their constant fix.  But 
while feeling compassion and sympathy for their plight, it is essential to recognize their 
Copyright © 2003 Couples Company All Rights Reserved http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/TOM/BornAgainVirgin1.htm 
3
How to Get a Man to the Alter without having sex first  By Tom McNight    
    
		
	
	
	Continue reading on your phone by scaning this QR Code
 
	 	
	
	
	    Tip: The current page has been bookmarked automatically. If you wish to continue reading later, just open the 
Dertz Homepage, and click on the 'continue reading' link at the bottom of the page.
	    
	    
