A Journey from this World to the Next | Page 8

we saw several beautiful
women, but in tawdry dresses, looking out at the windows; and in the
latter were visibly exposed all kinds of the richest dainties; but on our
entering the city we found, contrary to all we had seen in the other
world, that the suburbs were infinitely pleasanter than the city itself. It
was indeed a very dull, dark, and melancholy place. Few people
appeared in the streets, and these, for the most part, were old women,
and here and there a formal grave gentleman, who seemed to be
thinking, with large tie-wigs on, and amber-headed canes in their hands.
We were all in hopes that our vehicle would not stop here; but, to our
sorrow, the coach soon drove into an inn, and we were obliged to
alight.
CHAPTER III
The adventures we met with in the City of Diseases.

We had not been long arrived in our inn, where it seems we were to
spend the remainder of the day, before our host acquainted us that it
was customary for all spirits, in their passage through that city, to pay
their respects to that lady Disease, to whose assistance they had owed
their deliverance from the lower world. We answered we should not
fail in any complacence which was usual to others; upon which our
host replied he would immediately send porters to conduct us. He had
not long quitted the room before we were attended by some of those
grave persons whom I have before described in large tie-wigs with
amber-headed canes. These gentlemen are the ticket-porters in the city,
and their canes are the insignia, or tickets, denoting their office. We
informed them of the several ladies to whom we were obliged, and
were preparing to follow them, when on a sudden they all stared at one
another, and left us in a hurry, with a frown on every countenance. We
were surprised at this behavior, and presently summoned the host, who
was no sooner acquainted with it than he burst into an hearty laugh, and
told us the reason was, because we did not fee the gentlemen the
moment they came in, according to the custom of the place. We
answered, with some confusion, we had brought nothing with us from
the other world, which we had been all our lives informed was not
lawful to do. "No, no, master," replied the host; "I am apprised of that,
and indeed it was my fault. I should have first sent you to my lord
Scrape,[7] who would have supplied you with what you want." "My
lord Scrape supply us!" said I, with astonishment: "sure you must know
we cannot give him security; and I am convinced he never lent a
shilling without it in his life." "No, sir," answered the host, "and for that
reason he is obliged to do it here, where he is sentenced to keep a bank,
and to distribute money gratis to all passengers. This bank originally
consisted of just that sum, which he had miserably hoarded up in the
other world, and he is to perceive it decrease visibly one shilling a-day,
till it is totally exhausted; after which he is to return to the other world,
and perform the part of a miser for seventy years; then, being purified
in the body of a hog, he is to enter the human species again, and take a
second trial." "Sir," said I, "you tell me wonders: but if his bank be to
decrease only a shilling a day, how can he furnish all passengers?"
"The rest," answered the host, "is supplied again; but in a manner
which I cannot easily explain to you." "I apprehend," said I, "this

distribution of his money is inflicted on him as a punishment; but I do
not see how it can answer that end, when he knows it is to be restored
to him again. Would it not serve the purpose as well if he parted only
with the single shilling, which it seems is all he is really to lose?" "Sir,"
cries the host, "when you observe the agonies with which he parts with
every guinea, you will be of another opinion. No prisoner condemned
to death ever begged so heartily for transportation as he, when he
received his sentence, did to go to hell, provided he might carry his
money with him. But you will know more of these things when you
arrive at the upper world; and now, if you please, I will attend you to
my lord's, who is obliged to supply you with whatever you desire."
[7] That we may mention it once for all, in the panegyrical part of this
work some particular person is always meant: but, in the satirical,
nobody.
We found his lordship sitting at