Elbow-Room

熌
by Charles Heber Clark (AKA Max Adeler)

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net
Title: Elbow-Room A Novel Without a Plot
Author: Charles Heber Clark (AKA Max Adeler)
Release Date: June 11, 2004 [EBook #12581]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ELBOW-ROOM ***

Produced by Curtis Weyant, Tim Koeller and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.

ELBOW-ROOM
A NOVEL WITHOUT A PLOT BY
MAX ADELER
1870
AUTHOR OF "OUT OF THE HURLY-BURLY," ETC., ETC.
ILLUSTRATED BY ARTHUR B. FROST
[Illustration: Frontispiece]

PREFACE
If every book that contains nothing but nonsense confessed that fact in its preface, the world would have been saved a vast amount of dreary reading. Most of such volumes, however, are believed by their authors to be full of wisdom of the solidest kind; and confession, therefore, being impossible, the reader may learn the truth only through much tribulation. The writer of this book freely admits, at the outset, that it contains only the lightest humor, and that its single purpose is to afford amusement. At the same time, he claims for it that it is wiser and far more useful than many more solemn books that have been published, with the intent to regenerate mankind, by authors who would regard such a volume as this with feelings of scorn.
This is simply an effort to tell stories of a humorous character; and although the attempt may not be so successful as it has been in the hands of others, from Boccaccio downward, it has at least one quality that some greater achievements do not possess: it is absolutely pure in thought, word and suggestion. If it is filled with nonsense, that nonsense at any rate is innocent. It is modest, cleanly and without malice or irreverence. A worthier and nobler work might have been written; a purer work could not have been.
What its other merits are he who reads it will discern. To apologize for it in any manner would be to admit that it has grave deficiencies, and such an admission the author would not make even if his conscience impelled him to do so. The book is offered to the reader with the conviction that if the man who laughs is the happiest man, it may contribute something to the sum of human felicity.
The story of the French horn, related in the twentieth chapter, will recall to the reader of the "Sparrowgrass Papers" an incident related in that most charming book of humor. Perhaps it ought to be said that the former narrative was at least suggested by the latter.
The artist who has illustrated the book, Mr. Arthur B. Frost, deserves to have it said of him that he has done his work skilfully, tastefully and with nice appreciation of the humor of the various situations.

CONTENTS
CHAPTER
I.
THE ADVANTAGES OF ELBOW-ROOM
II. THE TERRIBLE MISHAP TO MR. FOGG'S BABY
III. INTERNAL NAVIGATION.--AN UNFORTUNATE INVENTOR
IV. THE FACTS IN REFERENCE TO MR. BUTTERWICK'S HORSE
V. SOME EDUCATIONAL FACTS
VI. THE EDITOR OF "THE PATRIOT"
VII. HOW MR. BUTTERWICK PURSUED HORTICULTURE
VIII. THE MEETING, AND ITS MISSIONARY WORK
IX. JUDGE TWIDDLER'S COW
X. OUR CIVIL SERVICE
XI. FUNEREAL AND CONJUGAL
XII. A NEW MRS. TOODLES.--POTTS' ADVENTURES
XIII. THE RACES, AND SOME OTHER THINGS
XIV. RESPECTING CERTAIN SAVAGES
XV. LOVE, SUFFERING AND SUICIDE
XVI. MR. FOGG AS SPORTSMAN AND SPOUSE
XVII. HOW WE CONDUCT A POLITICAL CAMPAIGN
XVIII. THE MATUTINAL ROOSTER
XIX. AN UNRULY METER.--SCENES IN A SANCTUM
XX. HIGH ART
XXI. CERTAIN DENTAL EXPERIENCES.--AN UNFORTUNATE OFFICIAL
XXII. JUSTICE, AND A LITTLE INJUSTICE
XXIII. THE TRAMP WITH GENIUS AND WITHOUT IT
XXIV. THE DOG OF MR. BUTTERWICK'S, AND OTHER DOGS
XXV. A PERSECUTED JOURNALIST
XXVI. THE ACHIEVEMENTS OF DR. PERKINS
XXVII. GENERAL TRUMPS OF THE MILITIA
XXVIII. THE MISDIRECTED ENERGIES OF MR. BRADLEY
XXIX. THE TRIALS OF MR. KEYSER, GRANGER
XXX. MR. BANGER'S AUNT
XXXI. VARIOUS THINGS

ILLUSTRATIONS.
ELBOW-ROOM MR. FOGG AS A MESMERIST A NOVEL MOUSETRAP A PERPLEXED MULE THE SECRETARY IS ALARMED MR. BUTTERWICK'S HORSE LIES DOWN THE BATTLE OF CANN?. MR. BARNES PROPOSES THE CARBOLIC DOOR-MAT THE GARDENER RETREATS TREADING WATER THE HEATHEN CLOTHE THEMSELVES THE JUDGE'S COW A TOMBSTONE CONTRACT MR. POTTS' MOUSE SHOOTING A BURGLAR A FLAT-IRON WEDDING AN EXCITED OLD LADY THE CAT SUCCUMBS HOW THE PIG WAS KILLED MR. SPOONER IS ALARMED THE LITTLE BABY-BEAR THE GOLDFISH TRICK. A CURTAILMENT AN INDIGNANT GUNNER CONFESSING THEIR FAULTS FORCED TO DO DUTY THE EARLY COCK THE AFFAIR AT THE POULTRY-SHOW THE SHERIFF IS MAD MR. SMITH'S GRIEF A SCARED FAMILY DR. SLUGG'S INVENTION JOE MIDDLES A COURT SCENE A DOG FOR SALE SMITH'S BOY RETREATS BANG!!! THE WANDERING JEW SIMPSON'S CASE THE GENERAL IN A RAGE "TAKE HER, YOUNG MAN!" BRADLEY'S CRADLE THE NEW MOTOR A QUEER PLANT TOO MUCH OF A BORE. BALLAST MAJOR SLOTT'S TIGER FACING THE TIGER
CHAPTER I.
PROLOGUE.
_THE ADVANTAGES OF ELBOW-ROOM_.
The professors of sociology, in exploring the mysteries