principles for dating | Page 4

parties prove themselves to be people of character
who will not compromise their convictions, honor, and obedience to God. Trust and respect pay huge
dividends in relationships.
The best way to keep from sexual immorality is to develop the conviction to have a pure relationship
from the beginning. It is difficult to reverse the process. Establish your convictions and limits at the
beginning, then maintain them throughout your dating relationship. Although it may be difficult, there is a
tremendous reward that awaits you in marriage when you honor the Lord in your dating life.
How to Know You Are Really in Love
Another question I am often asked is, “How do I know if I am in love or just infatuated?” Is this
relationship worth pursuing, or is it just two people infatuated with one another? Relationships do often
begin with infatuation, but healthy ones move on to mature love. Too often what appears to be love is
simply infatuation. Here are some ways to know the difference between the two.
Real love edifies. Two people in love seek the best for the other person. Their attitude toward the other is,
“How can I help make you everything God ever intended you to be?” The two have found their
fulfillment and security in Christ, and as a result, they can securely serve with the other’s best interest in
mind.
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Principles for Dating


On the other hand, infatuation is selfish and driven by the desire to have your own needs met. “Infatuated
love insists upon continual reassurance from the other person. It makes unreasonable demands that stem
from possessiveness and insecurity. Charted on paper, it would range from high peaks of certainty to
valleys of doubt. Unstable in its duration, infatuation is like a seasonal monsoon; it comes, blows fiercely,
and moves on.”
Second, love is based on knowledge. One must first get to know the other person over a significant period
of time and in many different circumstances. As you see the other person’s character strengths and
weaknesses, ask yourself, “Do I still feel strongly attracted to him or her?” Try this exercise. List as many
attributes of the other person as you can, including strengths and weakness, and the evidence to support
your claims. If you have a good-sized list, you probably know the person well and are basing your
decision on knowledge. If it is infatuation, your list will be quite short. When two people are infatuated,
what they are often attracted to is an idealized image of the other person.
Third, ask yourself, “If I were blind, would I love this person?” In other words, can I love this person
without any physical expression? Is my desire for him or her based on quality of character or just physical
attraction? If you can’t express your love apart from the physical element, it is not true love. Physical
involvement will distort two people’s perspective, and it often leads to unwise decisions. Physical
involvement can make people feel close, but upon careful examination, the only thing the two may have
in common is lust.
Finally, real love endures. Over time, real love grows and matures. Two people in love can wait for God’s
time, no matter how long it may be. Paul states in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is patient and love always
perseveres or is long suffering. True love will endure the tests of time and difficulty. Infatuation is
marked by impulsive and emotional decision making. It wants to rush into things before prayer or wise
counsel is considered. Driven by insecurity and possessiveness, false love seeks to rush the process of
physical intimacy and even marriage. True love, on the other hand, is willing to wait on God’s time and
allow the other person to grow and become the person God desires him or her to be.
As we conclude, remember this truth: God loves you and desires that your relationships be joyous and
meaningful. He will not let you go wrong in the area of dating if you let Him be the Lord of every aspect
of your life.
Notes
1. Paula and Stacey Rinehart, Choices (Colorado Springs, Col.: NavPress, 1996), p. 120.

Bibliography
Crabb, Larry. Men and Women, Enjoying the Difference. Grand Rapids: Mich.: 199 1.
Dobson, James. Life on the Edge. Dallas, Tex.: Word Publishing, 1995.
________. Emotions, Can You Trust Them? Ventura, Calif: Regal Books, 1980.
Elliot, Elisabeth. Passion and Purity. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Fleming H. Revell, 1984.
Harris, Joshua. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Sisters, Oreg.: Multnomah Books, 1997.
Rinehart, Paula and Stacy. Choices. Colorado Springs, Col.: NavPress, 1996.
McAllister, Dawson. How to Know if You’re Really in Love. Dallas, Tex.: Word, 1994.
McDowell, Josh. Givers, Lovers, and other Kinds of Takers.