Who Spoke Next | Page 9

took me out and
flourished me round bravely. O, how they all scampered! just like a
flock of frightened geese, merely at the sight of me. Such is the effect
of my mere appearance. To be sure, the Major laughed whenever he
told this story. I know not why, for it is perfectly true.
Once, when all the men in the family were gone away,--it was since we
have lived in the country,--the children were in the upper chamber, and
the doors were open below, and they saw a frightful- looking beggar
coming up the avenue; he was lame and had a patch over his eye. He
looked terrible; but one of the girls ran for me, and took me out of the
scabbard, and shook me at him out of the window, and screamed out to
him to go off; whereupon he turned about and hobbled off as fast as he
could.
One of the little girls said she did not believe there was any harm in the
poor beggar, and that she would go down and let him in, and give him
something to eat, but the biggest boy shook me at her for only saying
so, so as to dazzle her eyes and frighten her, and she became silent and
remained where she was.
Many such feats I have performed, too many to relate. Children, to be

sure, especially big blustering rude boys, have occasionally played
tricks with me. When they play Bombastes Furioso they come for me."
"All right," said the musket.
"These little rogues have gapped my fine edge, and one good-for-
nothing scamp used me to cut down cabbages, but, as he came very
near cutting down his younger brother at the same time, he was sent to
bed supperless by his father. I have really never performed any
drudgery. Like Caesar, 'I came, I saw, I conquered.'"
At these words, there was a sort of scornful laugh from every venerable
person in the garret. Even the old baize gown shook with merriment;
this vexed the sword so completely that he stopped speaking; and,
notwithstanding their entreaties, would not resume the story or speak
another word.
There was a deep silence, for a few moments, which was broken, at last,
by the old wig, who called upon the warming pan to tell her story; the
warming pan obeyed, and spoke as follows:--
"I pass over my early life. Time was when I was thought much of in
this family. Early in the autumn, I was rubbed and polished till you
could see your face in me.
On the first cold night, some nice walnut wood embers were carefully
put into me; I had the pleasure and honor of being passed up and down
my mistress's bed till it was well warmed, and this service I performed
for her constantly till the warm weather returned.
When any one in the family was ill, I was employed on the same
service for him or her; or when guests came to pass the night, I
performed this office for them, and this was all apparently which my
existence was for. A very monotonous life I led, to be sure, but I am of
a quiet nature and care not for much variety.
I remember only one or two things which occurred beyond this dull
routine; these I will relate and then give place to some more interesting

speaker.
One day, I was suddenly seized upon by one of the maids, and carried
out into the orchard, when she began beating me with an iron spoon,
and making as much noise as she possibly could; presently others of the
family joined with tin pans and kettles, and such a babel of sound you
never heard; this, I found afterwards, was to stupefy a swarm of bees
and make them alight which, at last, they did. Then one of the men with
a handkerchief over his face, and with gloves on, swept the bees into a
new hive, and put it by the side of the old ones.
After this bruising, I was hung up upon my accustomed peg, but my
brazen face still shows the marks which Dolly's iron spoon left on me
that morning.
One feat, however, I performed, which I should think might put our
friend the sword to the blush. I did do something in defence of our
native land in the hour of her danger; he it seems did nothing in his
whole life but play gentleman.
Our cook Dolly was a brave woman, and, during the Revolution, once
or twice she was left quite alone in the house, and every thing was put
under her care.
Upon one of these occasions, she was up stairs, and thought she heard
some one in the house; she