Unconscious Comedians | Page 7

of the old traditions of the
character dance and pantomime. If the two others had not revealed in
the art of dancing a poetry hitherto unperceived, she would have been
the leading talent; as it is, she is reduced to the second line. But for all
that, she fingers her thirty thousand francs a year, and her faithful
friend is a peer of France, very influential in the Chamber. And see!
there's a danseuse of the third order, who, as a dancer, exists only
through the omnipotence of a newspaper. If her engagement were not
renewed the ministry would have one more journalistic enemy on its
back. The corps de ballet is a great power; consequently it is considered
better form in the upper ranks of dandyism and politics to have
relations with dance than with song. In the stalls, where the habitues of
the Opera congregate, the saying 'Monsieur is all for singing' is a form
of ridicule."
A short man with a common face, quite simply dressed, passed them at
this moment.
"There's the other half of the Opera receipts--that man who just went by;
the tenor. There is no longer any play, poem, music, or representation
of any kind possible unless some celebrated tenor can reach a certain
note. The tenor is love, he is the Voice that touches the heart, that
vibrates in the soul, and his value is reckoned at a much higher salary
than that of a minister. One hundred thousand francs for a throat, one
hundred thousand francs for a couple of ankle-bones,--those are the two
financial scourges of the Opera."
"I am amazed," said Gazonal, "at the hundreds of thousands of francs
walking about here."
"We'll amaze you a good deal more, my dear cousin," said Leon de
Lora. "We'll take Paris as an artist takes his violoncello, and show you
how it is played,--in short, how people amuse themselves in Paris."
"It is a kaleidoscope with a circumference of twenty miles," cried

Gazonal.
"Before piloting monsieur about, I have to see Gaillard," said Bixiou.
"But we can use Gaillard for the cousin," replied Leon.
"What sort of machine is that?" asked Gazonal.
"He isn't a machine, he is a machinist. Gaillard is a friend of ours who
has ended a miscellaneous career by becoming the editor of a
newspaper, and whose character and finances are governed by
movements comparable to those of the tides. Gaillard can contribute to
make you win your lawsuit--"
"It is lost."
"That's the very moment to win it," replied Bixiou.
When they reached Theodore Gaillard's abode, which was now in the
rue de Menars, the valet ushered the three friends into a boudoir and
asked them to wait, as monsieur was in secret conference.
"With whom?" asked Bixiou.
"With a man who is selling him the incarceration of an UNSEIZABLE
debtor," replied a handsome woman who now appeared in a charming
morning toilet.
"In that case, my dear Suzanne," said Bixiou, "I am certain we may go
in."
"Oh! what a beautiful creature!" said Gazonal.
"That is Madame Gaillard," replied Leon de Lora, speaking low into his
cousin's ear. "She is the most humble-minded woman in Paris, for she
had the public and has contented herself with a husband."
"What is your will, messeigneurs?" said the facetious editor, seeing his
two friends and imitating Frederic Lemaitre.

Theodore Gaillard, formerly a wit, had ended by becoming a stupid
man in consequence of remaining constantly in one centre,--a moral
phenomenon frequently to be observed in Paris. His principal method
of conversation consisted in sowing his speeches with sayings taken
from plays then in vogue and pronounced in imitation of well-known
actors.
"We have come to blague," said Leon.
"'Again, young men'" (Odry in the Saltimbauques).
"Well, this time, we've got him, sure," said Gaillard's other visitor,
apparently by way of conclusion.
"ARE you sure of it, pere Fromenteau?" asked Gaillard. "This it the
eleventh time you've caught him at night and missed him in the
morning."
"How could I help it? I never saw such a debtor! he's a locomotive;
goes to sleep in Paris and wakes up in the Seine-et-Oise. A safety lock I
call him." Seeing a smile on Gaillard's face he added: "That's a saying
in our business. Pinch a man, means arrest him, lock him up. The
criminal police have another term. Vidoeq said to his man, 'You are
served'; that's funnier, for it means the guillotine."
A nudge from Bixiou made Gazonal all eyes and ears.
"Does monsieur grease my paws?" asked Fromenteau of Gaillard, in a
threatening but cool tone.
"'A question that of fifty centimes'" (Les Saltimbauques), replied the
editor, taking out five francs and offering them to Fromenteau.
"And the rapscallions?" said the man.
"What rapscallions?" asked Gaillard.
"Those I employ," replied