This Is the End

This Is the End

The Project Gutenberg eBook, This Is the End , by Stella Benson
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

Title: This Is the End
Author: Stella Benson
Release Date: February 26, 2004 [eBook #11324]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THIS IS THE
END ***
E-text prepared by Jonathan Ingram, Mary Meehan, and the Project
Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team

THIS IS THE END
BY STELLA BENSON
1917

This is the end, for the moment, of all my thinking, this is my unfinal
conclusion. There is no reason in tangible things, and no system in the
ordinary ways of the world. Hands were made to grope, and feet to
stumble, and the only things you may count on are the unaccountable
things. System is a fairy and a dream, you never find system where or
when you expect it. There are no reasons except reasons you and I don't
know.
I should not be really surprised if the policeman across the way grew
wings, or if the deep sea rose and washed out the chaos of the land. I
should not raise my eyebrows if the daily press became the Little

Sunbeam of the Home, or if Cabinet Ministers struck for a decrease of
wages. I feel no security in facts, precedent seems no protection to me.
The wisdom you can find in an Encyclopedia, or in Selfridge's
Information Bureau, seems to me just a transitory adaptation to
quicksand circumstances.
But if the things which I know in spite of my education were false, if
the eyes of the sea forgot their secret, or if the accent of the steep
woods became vulgar, if the fairy adventures that happen in my heart
fell flat, if the good friends my eyes have never seen failed me,--then
indeed should I know emptiness, and an astonishment that would kill.
I want to introduce you to Jay, a 'bus-conductor and an idealist. She is
not the heroine, but the most constantly apparent woman in this book. I
cannot introduce you to a heroine because I have never met one.
She was a person who took nothing in the world for granted, but as she
had only a slight connection with the world, that is not saying very
much. Her answer to everything was "Why?" The fundamental facts
that you and I accept from our youth upwards, like Be Good and You
Will Be Happy, or Change Your Boots When You Come In Out Of The
Wet, or Respect Your Elders, or Love Your Neighbour, or Never Cross
Your Legs Above The Knee, did not impress Jay.
I never knew her as a baby, but I am sure she must have been born a
propounder of questions, and a smiler at the answers she received. I
daresay she used to ask questions--without result--long before she
could talk, but I am quite sure she was not embittered by the lack of
result. Nothing ever embittered Jay, not even her own pessimism.
There is a finality about bitterness, and Jay was never final. Her last
word was always on a questioning note. Her mind was always open,
waiting for more. "Oh no," she would tell her pillow at night, "there
must be a better answer than that ..."
Perhaps it is hardly necessary to add that she had quarrelled with her
Family, and run away from home. Her Family knew neither what she
was doing nor where she was doing it. Families are incurably conceited,
and this one supposed that, having broken away from it, Jay was going
to the bad. On the contrary, she was a 'bus-conductor, but I only tell
you this in confidence. I repeat the Family did not know it, and does
not know it yet.
The Family sometimes said that Jay was an idealist, but it did not really

think so. The Family sometimes said that she was rather mad, but it did
not know how mad she was, or it would have sent her away to live in a
doctor's establishment at Margate. It never realised that it had only
come in contact with about one-fifth of its young relation, and that the
other four-fifths were shut away from it. Shut away in a shining bubble
world with only room in it for one--for One, and a shining bubble
Story.
I do not know how universal an experience a Secret Story and a Secret
Friend may be. Perhaps this wonder is a commonplace to you, only you
are more reticent about it