The Taming of the Shrew | Page 4

I will practise on this drunken
man. What think you, if he were convey'd to bed, Wrapp'd in sweet

clothes, rings put upon his fingers, A most delicious banquet by his bed,
And brave attendants near him when he wakes, Would not the beggar
then forget himself?
FIRST HUNTSMAN. Believe me, lord, I think he cannot choose.
SECOND HUNTSMAN. It would seem strange unto him when he
wak'd.
LORD. Even as a flattering dream or worthless fancy. Then take him
up, and manage well the jest. Carry him gently to my fairest chamber,
And hang it round with all my wanton pictures; Balm his foul head in
warm distilled waters, And burn sweet wood to make the lodging sweet.
Procure me music ready when he wakes, To make a dulcet and a
heavenly sound; And if he chance to speak, be ready straight, And with
a low submissive reverence Say 'What is it your honour will
command?' Let one attend him with a silver basin Full of rose-water
and bestrew'd with flowers; Another bear the ewer, the third a diaper,
And say 'Will't please your lordship cool your hands?' Some one be
ready with a costly suit, And ask him what apparel he will wear;
Another tell him of his hounds and horse, And that his lady mourns at
his disease. Persuade him that he hath been lunatic; And, when he says
he is--say that he dreams, For he is nothing but a mighty lord. This do,
and do it kindly, gentle sirs; It will be pastime passing excellent, If it be
husbanded with modesty.
FIRST HUNTSMAN. My lord, I warrant you we will play our part, As
he shall think by our true diligence, He is no less than what we say he
is.
LORD. Take him up gently, and to bed with him, And each one to his
office when he wakes.
[SLY is bourne out. A trumpet sounds.]
Sirrah, go see what trumpet 'tis that sounds:
[Exit SERVANT.]
Belike some noble gentleman that means, Travelling some journey, to
repose him here.
[Re-enter SERVANT.]
How now! who is it?
SERVANT. An it please your honour, players That offer service to
your lordship.
LORD. Bid them come near.

[Enter PLAYERS.]
Now, fellows, you are welcome.
PLAYERS. We thank your honour.
LORD. Do you intend to stay with me to-night?
PLAYER. So please your lordship to accept our duty.
LORD. With all my heart. This fellow I remember Since once he play'd
a farmer's eldest son; 'Twas where you woo'd the gentlewoman so well.
I have forgot your name; but, sure, that part Was aptly fitted and
naturally perform'd.
PLAYER. I think 'twas Soto that your honour means.
LORD. 'Tis very true; thou didst it excellent. Well, you are come to me
in happy time, The rather for I have some sport in hand Wherein your
cunning can assist me much. There is a lord will hear you play to-night;
But I am doubtful of your modesties, Lest, over-eying of his odd
behaviour,-- For yet his honour never heard a play,-- You break into
some merry passion And so offend him; for I tell you, sirs, If you
should smile, he grows impatient.
PLAYER. Fear not, my lord; we can contain ourselves, Were he the
veriest antick in the world.
LORD. Go, sirrah, take them to the buttery, And give them friendly
welcome every one: Let them want nothing that my house affords.
[Exit one with the PLAYERS.]
Sirrah, go you to Barthol'mew my page, And see him dress'd in all suits
like a lady; That done, conduct him to the drunkard's chamber, And call
him 'madam,' do him obeisance. Tell him from me--as he will win my
love,-- He bear himself with honourable action, Such as he hath
observ'd in noble ladies Unto their lords, by them accomplished; Such
duty to the drunkard let him do, With soft low tongue and lowly
courtesy, And say 'What is't your honour will command, Wherein your
lady and your humble wife May show her duty and make known her
love?' And then with kind embracements, tempting kisses, And with
declining head into his bosom, Bid him shed tears, as being overjoy'd
To see her noble lord restor'd to health, Who for this seven years hath
esteemed him No better than a poor and loathsome beggar. And if the
boy have not a woman's gift To rain a shower of commanded tears, An
onion will do well for such a shift, Which, in a napkin being close
convey'd, Shall in despite enforce a watery eye. See this dispatch'd with

all the haste thou canst; Anon I'll give thee more instructions.
[Exit SERVANT.]
I know the boy will well usurp the grace, Voice, gait, and action, of a
gentlewoman; I long to hear him call the drunkard