The Reminiscences Of Sir Henry Hawkins (Baron Brampton) | Page 9

quiet, subtle humour, which seemed to come upon you unawares, and,
like all true humour, derived no little of its pleasure from its surprise. In
addition to his abilities, Thesiger was ever kind-hearted and gentle,
especially in his manner towards juniors. I know that he sympathized
with them, and helped them whenever he had an opportunity. It did not
fall to my lot to hold many briefs with him, but I am glad to say that I
had some, because I shall not forget the kindness and instruction I
received from him.

Platt was an advocate of a different stamp. He also was kind, and in
every way worthy of grateful remembrance. He loved to amuse
especially the junior Bar, and more particularly in court. He was a good
natural punster, and endowed with a lively wit. The circuit was never
dull when Platt was present; but there was one trait in his character as
an advocate that judges always profess to disapprove of--he loved
popular applause, and his singularly bold and curious mode of
cross-examination sometimes brought him both rebuke and hearty
laughter from the most austere of judges.
He dealt with a witness as though the witness was putty, moulding him
into any grotesque form that suited his humour. No evidence could
preserve its original shape after Platt had done with it. He had a
coaxing manner, so much so that a witness would often be led to say
what he never intended, and what afterwards he could not believe he
had uttered.
Thesiger, who was his constant opponent, was sometimes irritated with
Platt's manner, and on the occasion I am about to mention fairly lost his
temper.
It was in an action for nuisance before Tindal, Chief Justice of the
Common Pleas, at Croydon Assizes.
Thesiger was for the plaintiff, who complained of a nuisance caused by
the bad smells that emanated from a certain tank on the defendant's
premises, and called a very respectable but ignorant labouring man to
prove his case.
The witness gave a description of the tank, not picturesque, but
doubtless true, and into this tank all kinds of refuse seem to have been
thrown, so that the vilest of foul stenches were emitted.
Platt began his cross-examination of poor Hodge by asking him in his
most coaxing manner to describe the character and nature of the various
stenches. Had Hodge been scientific, or if he had had a little common
sense, he would have simply answered "bad character and
_ill_-nature;" but he improved on this simplicity, and said,--

"Some on 'em smells summat like paint."
This was quite sufficient for Platt.
"Come now," said he, "that's a very sensible answer. You are aware, as
a man of undoubted intelligence, that there are various colours of paint.
Had this smell any particular colour, think you?"
"Wall, I dunnow, sir."
"Don't answer hurriedly; take your time. We only want to get at the
truth. Now, what colour do you say this smell belonged to?"
"Wall, I don't raightly know, sir."
"I see. But what do you say to _yellow_? Had it a yellow smell, think
you?"
"Wall, sir, I doan't think ur wus yaller, nuther. No, sir, not quite yaller;
I think it was moore of a blue like."
"A blue smell. We all know a blue smell when we see it."
Of course, I need not say the laughter was going on in peals, much to
Platt's delight. Tindal was simply in an ecstasy, but did all he could to
suppress his enjoyment of the scene.
Then Platt resumed,--
"You think it was more of a blue smell like? Now, let me ask you, there
are many kinds of blue smells, from the smell of a Blue Peter, which is
salt, to that of the sky, which depends upon the weather. Was it dark,
or--"
"A kind of sky-blue, sir."
"More like your scarf?"
Up went Hodge's hand to see if he could feel the colour.

"Yes," said he, "that's more like--"
"Zummut like your scarf?"
"Yes, sir."
Then he was asked as to a variety of solids and liquids; and the man
shook his head, intimating that he could go a deuce of a way, but that
there were bounds even to human knowledge.
Then Platt questioned him on less abstruse topics, and to all of his
questions he kept answering,--
"Yes, my lord."
"Were fish remnants," asked Platt, "sometimes thrown into this
reservoir of filth, such as old cods' heads with goggle eyes?"
"Yes, my lord."
"_Rari nantes in gurgite vasto_?"
"Yes, my lord."
Thesiger could stand it no longer. He had been writhing while the court
had been roaring with laughter, which all the ushers in the universe
could not suppress.
"My lord, my lord, there must be some limit even to cross-examination