The Problem of Dressing Room A

The Thinking Machine
The Problem of Dressing Room A
By Jacques Futrelle
* * *
IT was absolutely impossible. Twenty-five chess masters from the
world at large, forgathered in Boston for the annual championships,
unanimously declared it impossible, and unanimity on any given point
is an unusual mental condition for chess masters. Not one would
concede for an instant that it was within the range of human
achievement. Some grew red in the face as they argued it, others smiled
loftily and were silent; still others dismissed the matter in a word as
wholly absurd.
A casual remark by the distinguished scientist and logician, Professor
Augustus S. F. X. Van Dusen, provoked the discussion. He had in the
past aroused bitter disputes by some chance remark; in fact, had been
once a sort of controversial center of the sciences. It had been due to his
modest announcement of a startling and unorthodox hypothesis that he
had been invited to vacate the chair of philosophy in a great university,
later that university had felt honored when he accepted its degree of LL.
D.
For a score of years educational and scientific institutions of the world
had amused themselves by crowding degrees upon him. He had initials
that stood for things he couldn't pronounce; degrees from England,
Russia, Germany, Italy, Sweden, and Spain. These were expressed
recognition of the fact that his was the foremost brain in the sciences.
The imprint of his crabbed personality lay heavily on half a dozen of its
branches. Finally there came a time when argument was respectfully
silent in the face of one of his conclusions.

The remark which had arrayed the chess masters of the world into so
formidable and unanimous a dissent was made by Professor Van Dusen
in the presence of three other men of standing. One of these, Dr.
Charles Elbert, happened to be a chess enthusiast.
"Chess is a shameless perversion of the functions of the brain," was
Professor Van Dusen's declaration in his perpetually irritated voice. "It
is a sheer waste of effort, greater because it is possibly the most
difficult of all fixed abstract problems. Of course logic will solve it.
Logic will solve any problem; not most of them, but any problem. A
thorough understanding of its rules would enable anyone to defeat your
greatest chess players. It would be inevitable, just as inevitable as that
two and two make four; not sometimes, but always. I don't know chess,
because I never do useless things, but I could take a few hours of
competent instruction and defeat a man who has devoted his life to it.
His mind is cramped; bound down to the logic of chess. Mine is not;
mine employs logic in its widest scope."
Dr. Elbert shook his head vigorously. "It is impossible." he asserted.
"Nothing is impossible!" snapped the scientist. "The human mind can
do anything. It is all we have to lift us above the brute creation. For
Heaven's sake, leave us that!"
The aggressive tone, the uncompromising egotism, brought a flush to
Dr. Elbert's face. Professor Van Dusen affected many persons that way,
particularly those fellow-savants who, themselves men of distinction,
had ideas of their own. "Do you know the purposes of chess? Its
countless combinations?" asked Dr. Elbert.
"No," was the crabbed reply; "I know nothing whatever of the game
beyond the general purpose, which, I understand, is to move certain
pieces in certain directions to stop an opponent from moving his king.
Is that correct?"
"Yes," said Dr. Elbert slowly; "but I never heard it stated just that way
before."

"Then, if that is correct, I maintain that the true logician can defeat the
chess expert by the mechanical rules of logic. I'll take a few hours some
time, acquaint myself with the moves of the pieces, and defeat you to
convince you." Professor Van Dusen glared savagely into the eyes of
Dr. Elbert.
"Not me!" said Dr. Elbert. "You say anyone; you for instance might
defeat the greatest chess player. Would you be willing to meet the
greatest chess player after you 'acquaint' yourself with the game?"
"Certainly," said the scientist. "I have frequently found it necessary to
make a fool of myself to convince people. I'll do it again."
This, then, was the acrimonious beginning of the discussion which
aroused chess masters and brought open dissent from eminent men who
had not dared for years to dispute any assertion by the distinguished
Professor Van Dusen. It was arranged that at the conclusion of the
championships Professor Van Dusen should meet the winner. This
happened to be Tschaikowsky the Russian who had been chess
champion for half a dozen years.
After this expected result of the tournament, Hillsbury, a noted
American master, spent a morning with Professor Van Dusen in the