The Middle Class Gentleman | Page 9

E is formed by approaching the
lower jaw to the upper: A, E.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, E; A, E. By my faith, yes. Ah! How fine!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: And the vowel I, by bringing the jaws still
nearer each other and stretching the two corners of the mouth towards
the ears: A, E, I.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, E, I. I. I. I. That's true. Long live science!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel O is formed by opening the jaws
and drawing together the two corners of the lips, upper and lower: O.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: O, O. There's nothing truer. A, E, I, O,I O..
That's admirable! I, O, I, O.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The opening of the mouth happens to make
a little circle which represents an O.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: O, O, O. You are right! O. Ah! What a fine
thing it is to know something!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel U is formed by bringing the
teeth nearly together without completely joining them, and thrusting the
two lips outward, also bringing them nearly together without

completely joining them: U.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: U, U. There's nothing truer. U.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Your two lips thrust out as if you were
making a face, whence it results that if you want to make a face at
someone and mock him, you have only to say to him "U."
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: U, U. That's true. Ah! Why didn't I study
sooner in order to know all that!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Tomorrow we shall look at the other letters,
which are the consonants.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Are there things as curious about them as
about these?
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Without a doubt. The consonant D, for
example, is pronounced by clapping the tongue above the upper teeth:
D.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: D, D, Yes. Ah! What fine things! Fine
things!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The F, by pressing the upper teeth against
the lower lip: F.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: F, F. That's the truth. Ah! My father and my
mother, how I wish you ill!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: And the R, by carrying the tip of the tongue
to the top of the palate, so that being grazed by the air that comes out
with force, it yields to it and comes back always to the same place,
making a kind of trill: R. AR.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: R, R, AR. R, R, R, R, R, RA. That's true.
Ah! What a clever man you are! And how I have lost time! R, R, R,
AR.

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: I'll explain to you all these strange things to
their very depths.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Please do. But now, I must confide in you.
I'm in love with a lady of great quality, and I wish that you would help
me write something to her in a little note that I will let fall at her feet.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Very well.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That will be gallant, yes?
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Without doubt. Is it verse that you wish to
write her?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no. No verse.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Do you want only prose?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I don't want either prose or verse.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It must be one or the other.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why?
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Because, sir, there is no other way to
express oneself than with prose or verse.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There is nothing but prose or verse?
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: No, sir, everything that is not prose is verse,
and everything that is not verse is prose.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And when one speaks, what is that then?
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Prose.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What! When I say, "Nicole, bring me my
slippers, and give me my nightcap," that's prose?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Yes, Sir.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: By my faith! For more than forty years I
have been speaking prose without knowing anything about it, and I am
much obliged to you for having taught me that. I would like then to put
into a note to her: "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me
die of love," but I want that put in a gallant manner and be nicely
turned.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Put it that the fires of her eyes reduce your
heart to cinders; that you suffer night and day for her the torments of
a . . .
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no, no. I want none of that; I only want
you to say "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die of
love."
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The thing requires a little lengthening.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I tell you, I want only those words in
the note, but turned stylishly, well arranged, as is necessary. Please tell
me, just to see, the diverse ways they could be put.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: One could put them first of all as you said
them: "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die of love."
Or else: "Of love to die make