The Merry Wives of Windsor | Page 5

hardest voice of her behaviour,
to be Englished rightly, is 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'
PISTOL. He hath studied her will, and translated her will out of
honesty into English.
NYM. The anchor is deep; will that humour pass?
FALSTAFF. Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband's
purse; he hath a legion of angels.
PISTOL. As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I.
NYM. The humour rises; it is good; humour me the angels.
FALSTAFF. I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to
Page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts
with most judicious oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded
my foot, sometimes my portly belly.
PISTOL. Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
NYM. I thank thee for that humour.
FALSTAFF. O! she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy
intention that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a
burning-glass. Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she
is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheator to them
both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and
West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to
Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford. We will thrive, lads, we
will thrive.
PISTOL. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear

steel? then Lucifer take all!
NYM. I will run no base humour. Here, take the humour-letter; I will
keep the haviour of reputation.
FALSTAFF. [To ROBIN] Hold, sirrah; bear you these letters tightly;
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. Rogues, hence, avaunt!
vanish like hailstones, go; Trudge, plod away o' hoof; seek shelter, pack!
Falstaff will learn the humour of this age; French thrift, you rogues;
myself, and skirted page.
[Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN.]
PISTOL. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds, And
high and low beguile the rich and poor; Tester I'll have in pouch when
thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk!
NYM. I have operations in my head which be humours of revenge.
PISTOL. Wilt thou revenge?
NYM. By welkin and her star!
PISTOL. With wit or steel?
NYM. With both the humours, I: I will discuss the humour of this love
to Page.
PISTOL. And I to Ford shall eke unfold How Falstaff, varlet vile, His
dove will prove, his gold will hold, And his soft couch defile.
NYM. My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with
poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is
dangerous: that is my true humour.
PISTOL. Thou art the Mars of malcontents; I second thee; troop on.
[Exeunt.]

SCENE 4. A room in DOCTOR CAIUS'S house.
[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, and SIMPLE.]
QUICKLY. What, John Rugby!
[Enter RUGBY.]
I pray thee go to the casement, and see if you can see my master,
Master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i' faith, and find anybody in the
house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the King's
English.
RUGBY. I'll go watch.
QUICKLY. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at
the latter end of a sea-coal fire.

[Exit RUGBY.]
An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house
withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale nor no breed-bate; his worst fault
is that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but
nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple you say your
name is?
SIMPLE. Ay, for fault of a better.
QUICKLY. And Master Slender's your master?
SIMPLE. Ay, forsooth.
QUICKLY. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's
paring-knife?
SIMPLE. No, forsooth; he hath but a little whey face, with a little
yellow beard--a cane-coloured beard.
QUICKLY. A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
SIMPLE. Ay, forsooth; but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is
between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.
QUICKLY. How say you?--O! I should remember him. Does he not
hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
SIMPLE. Yes, indeed, does he.
QUICKLY. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell
Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a
good girl, and I wish--
[Re-enter RUGBY.]
RUGBY. Out, alas! here comes my master.
QUICKLY. We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; go
into this closet. [Shuts SIMPLE in the closet.] He will not stay long.
What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say! Go, John, go