The Magic Pudding | Page 3

Puddin'," said Sam.
"It's a Christmas steak and apple-dumpling Puddin'," said Bill.
"It's a --. Shall I tell him?" he asked, looking at Bill. Bill nodded, and
the Penguin leaned across to Bunyip Bluegum and said in a low voice,
"It's a Magic Puddin'."
"No whispering," shouted the Puddin' angrily. "Speak up. Don't strain a
Puddin's ears at the meal table."
"No harm intended, Albert," said Sam, "I was merely remarking how
well the crops are looking. Call him Albert when addressing him," he
added to Bunyip Bluegum. "It soothes him."
"I am delighted to make your acquaintance, Albert," said Bunyip.
"No soft soap from total strangers," said the Puddin', rudely.
"Don't take no notice of him, mate," said Bill, "That's only his rough
and ready way. What this Puddin' requires is politeness and constant
eatin'."
They had a delightful meal, eating as much as possible, for whenever
they stopped eating the Puddin' sang out
"Eat away, chew away, munch and bolt and guzzle, Never leave the
table till you're full up to the muzzle."
But at length they had to stop, in spite of these encouraging remarks,
and as they refused to eat any more, the Puddin' got out of his basin,
remarking--"If you won't eat any more here's giving you a run for the
sake of exercise," and he set off so swiftly on a pair of extremely thin
legs that Bill had to run like an antelope to catch him up. "My word,"
said Bill, when the Puddin' was brought back. "You have to be as smart
as paint to keep this Puddin' in order. He's that artful, lawyers couldn't
manage him. Put your hat on, Albert, like a little gentleman," he added,

placing the basin on his head. He took the Puddin's hand, Sam took the
other, and they all set off along the road. A peculiar thing about the
Puddin' was that, though they had all had a great many slices off him,
there was no sign of the place whence the slices had been cut.
"That's where the Magic comes in," explained Bill. "The more you eats
the more you gets. Cut-an'-come-again is his name, an' cut, an' come
again, is his nature. Me an' Sam has been eatin' away at this Puddin' for
years, and there's not a mark on him. Perhaps," he added, "you would
like to hear how we came to own this remarkable Puddin'."
"Nothing would please me more," said Bunyip Bluegum.
"In that case," said Bill, "Let her go for a song.
"Ho, the cook of the 'Saucy Sausage", Was a feller called Curry and
Rice, A son of a gun as fat as a tun With a face as round as a hot cross
bun, Or a barrel, to be precise.
"One winter's morn we rounds the Horn, A-rollin' homeward bound.
We strikes on the ice, goes down in a trice, And all on board but Curry
and Rice And me an' Sam is drowned.
"For Sam an' me an' the cook, yer see, We climbs on a lump of ice, And
there in the sleet we suffered a treat For several months from frozen
feet, With nothin' at all but ice to eat, And ice does not suffice.
"And Sam and me we couldn't agree With the cook at any price. We
was both as thin as a piece of tin While that there cook was bustin' his
skin On nothin' to eat but ice.
"Says Sam to me, 'It's a mystery More deep than words can utter;
Whatever we do, here's me an you, Us both as thin as Irish stoo, While
he's as fat as butter.'
"But late one night we wakes in fright To see by a pale blue flare, That
cook has got in a phantom pot A big plum-duff an' a rump-steak hot,
And the guzzlin' wizard is eatin' the lot, On top of the iceberg bare."

"There's a verse left out here," said Bill, stopping the song, "owin' to
the difficulty of explainin' exactly what happened when me and Sam
discovered the deceitful nature of that cook. The next verse is as
follows:--
"Now Sam an' me can never agree What happened to Curry and Rice.
The whole affair is shrouded in doubt, For the night was dark and the
flare went out, And all we heard was a startled shout, Though I think
meself, in the subsequent rout, That us bein' thin, an' him bein' stout, In
the middle of pushin' an' shovin' about, He--MUST HAVE FELL OFF
THE ICE."
"That won't do, you know," began the Puddin', but Sam said hurriedly,
"It was very dark, and there's no sayin' at this date what happened."
"Yes there is," said the Puddin', "for I had my eye on the whole affair,
and it's