The Ladies | Page 9

do chip and whittle away their heart till none be left and they
cannot love if they would, and no anchorage in so rotten a Holding
ground. And thus have I learned that a woman may be young and yet
aweary of her life, which I did not think to be true.
Sometimes I would I had not read, and again I would know more and
run the knife yet deeper in my heart, and in that curst book never will I
read again, and even in the writing of this well do I know I cannot
forbear to read, and so Teares my drink and all my content gone. But
let me remember there was here and there a word where he hath writ
tenderly of his poor Wife, and when I did see him weep my heart did
pity him. But what hope or help, for a Jar mended may hold water, but
yet the Cracks remain, and the worth gone for ever and a Day.
Well, God mend all, and yet I think He cannot. But in this Booke of
mine will I never write more, for the mirth and the little Frets that I did
think so great alike do pierce my heart to read. So farewell, my Booke,
that was a good friend in sunshine but an ill friend in storm, for I am
done with thee and with many things more this day.
And so to the work that must be done and the day that must be lived
though Brows ake and heart break.
(Elizabeth Pepys died at the age of twenty-nine.)

Esther Johnson "Stella" 1681-1728

Jonathan Swift's cousin and biographer sums up his views of the
mystery of Stella in definite fashion: "For that she was married to Dr
Swift about the year 1716, I am thoroughly persuaded, although it is
certain they continued to live in separate Houses in the same manner

they had usually done before." Other contemporaries of Swift are
equally persuaded that no marriage took place at all. Under the
circumstances, it is no great marvel if, as one gossip suggests, "her
spirits might have become dejected, by her frequent revolving in her
mind the Odness of her Situation."
When Esther Johnson's mother was companion to Lady Giffard, sister
of Sir William Temple, the "Platonick" friendship between the young
girl and Temple's secretary began. There are reports of Stella's charm,
not only in the Journal, but in a general tradition that she was
"surrounded by every Grace and blessed with every Virtue that could
allure the Affections and captivate the Soul of the most stubborn
Philosopher." Says John Hawkesworth: "There was a natural musick in
her Voice, and a pleasing complacency in her aspect when she spoke.
As to her wit, it was confessed by all her acquaintance and particularly
by the Dean, that she never failed to say the best thing that was said
whenever she was in company."
She died at forty-seven, and was buried in St. Patrick's Cathedral,
where Swift, seventeen years later, by his own instructions, was buried
at her side.
[Illustration: Esther Johnson--"Stella"]

II
The Mystery of Stella
This paper have I wrote for certain grave considerations which make
me suppose it well it were one day placed in the hands of the Dean. 'Tis,
however, possible I may destroy it, but this time shall determine ere my
death. Writ an: 1727 by me, ESTHER JOHNSON.
When the Dean paid his last visit to London, an: 1726, he writ thus in a
letter directed to Mrs Dingley, but for her and me:--
"Farewell, my dearest lives and delights I love you better than ever, as

hope saved, and ever will. I can count on nothing but MD's love and
kindness, and so, farewell, dearest MD. PRESTO."
So he signs himself, and so it seems the old screen will still be kept up
and the letters to me wrote to her also, and in the child's talk that
pleaseth him, lest any in the world suspect the famous divine hath a
man's heart. But hath he? This I have not known, nor shall. Let me tell
my own heart yet again how deep my debt to him, remembering the
sickly child of Moor Park, to whom he brought not alone learning but
companionship, and all the joy known to her childhood. For it pleased
Dr Swift, then a young man, to condescend to a child's humours, to
solace her solitary hours, forsook as she was of her mother's company,
and not alone to teach her to write, but all store of knowledge. And Dr
Swift hath since been pleased to acknowledge that, having instilled in
this poor child the principles of honour and virtue, she hath not
swerved from them in any passage