The Essays, vol 6 | Page 9

very great
content; and one of them, Charixenus, dying within five days after, and
by that means the charge of both duties devolving solely on him,
Areteus nurtured the old woman with very great care and tenderness,
and of five talents he had in estate, he gave two and a half in marriage
with an only daughter he had of his own, and two and a half in
marriage with the daughter of Eudamidas, and on one and the same day
solemnised both their nuptials.
This example is very full, if one thing were not to be objected, namely
the multitude of friends for the perfect friendship I speak of is
indivisible; each one gives himself so entirely to his friend, that he has
nothing left to distribute to others: on the contrary, is sorry that he is
not double, treble, or quadruple, and that he has not many souls and
many wills, to confer them all upon this one object. Common
friendships will admit of division; one may love the beauty of this
person, the good-humour of that, the liberality of a third, the paternal
affection of a fourth, the fraternal love of a fifth, and so of the rest: but
this friendship that possesses the whole soul, and there rules and sways
with an absolute sovereignty, cannot possibly admit of a rival. If two at
the same time should call to you for succour, to which of them would
you run? Should they require of you contrary offices, how could you
serve them both? Should one commit a thing to your silence that it
were of importance to the other to know, how would you disengage
yourself? A unique and particular friendship dissolves all other
obligations whatsoever: the secret I have sworn not to reveal to any
other, I may without perjury communicate to him who is not another,
but myself. 'Tis miracle enough certainly, for a man to double himself,
and those that talk of tripling, talk they know not of what. Nothing is
extreme, that has its like; and he who shall suppose, that of two, I love
one as much as the other, that they mutually love one another too, and
love me as much as I love them, multiplies into a confraternity the most
single of units, and whereof, moreover, one alone is the hardest thing in
the world to find. The rest of this story suits very well with what I was

saying; for Eudamidas, as a bounty and favour, bequeaths to his friends
a legacy of employing themselves in his necessity; he leaves them heirs
to this liberality of his, which consists in giving them the opportunity of
conferring a benefit upon him; and doubtless, the force of friendship is
more eminently apparent in this act of his, than in that of Areteus. In
short, these are effects not to be imagined nor comprehended by such as
have not experience of them, and which make me infinitely honour and
admire the answer of that young soldier to Cyrus, by whom being
asked how much he would take for a horse, with which he had won the
prize of a race, and whether he would exchange him for a kingdom?--
"No, truly, sir," said he, "but I would give him with all my heart, to get
thereby a true friend, could I find out any man worthy of that
alliance."--[Xenophon, Cyropadia, viii. 3.]--He did not say ill in saying,
"could I find": for though one may almost everywhere meet with men
sufficiently qualified for a superficial acquaintance, yet in this, where a
man is to deal from the very bottom of his heart, without any manner of
reservation, it will be requisite that all the wards and springs be truly
wrought and perfectly sure.
In confederations that hold but by one end, we are only to provide
against the imperfections that particularly concern that end. It can be of
no importance to me of what religion my physician or my lawyer is;
this consideration has nothing in common with the offices of friendship
which they owe me; and I am of the same indifference in the domestic
acquaintance my servants must necessarily contract with me. I never
inquire, when I am to take a footman, if he be chaste, but if he be
diligent; and am not solicitous if my muleteer be given to gaming, as if
he be strong and able; or if my cook be a swearer, if he be a good cook.
I do not take upon me to direct what other men should do in the
government of their families, there are plenty that meddle enough with
that, but only give an account of my method in my own:
"Mihi sic usus est: tibi, ut opus est facto, face."
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