The Essays, vol 6 | Page 6

in me, to say nothing of him, who
himself so confesses but too much in his verses; so that I had both these
passions, but always so, that I could myself well enough distinguish
them, and never in any degree of comparison with one another; the first
maintaining its flight in so lofty and so brave a place, as with disdain to
look down, and see the other flying at a far humbler pitch below.
As concerning marriage, besides that it is a covenant, the entrance into
which only is free, but the continuance in it forced and compulsory,
having another dependence than that of our own free will, and a bargain
commonly contracted to other ends, there almost always happens a
thousand intricacies in it to unravel, enough to break the thread and to
divert the current of a lively affection: whereas friendship has no
manner of business or traffic with aught but itself. Moreover, to say
truth, the ordinary talent of women is not such as is sufficient to
maintain the conference and communication required to the support of
this sacred tie; nor do they appear to be endued with constancy of mind,
to sustain the pinch of so hard and durable a knot. And doubtless, if
without this, there could be such a free and voluntary familiarity
contracted, where not only the souls might have this entire fruition, but
the bodies also might share in the alliance, and a man be engaged
throughout, the friendship would certainly be more full and perfect; but
it is without example that this sex has ever yet arrived at such
perfection; and, by the common consent of the ancient schools, it is
wholly rejected from it.
That other Grecian licence is justly abhorred by our manners, which

also, from having, according to their practice, a so necessary disparity
of age and difference of offices betwixt the lovers, answered no more to
the perfect union and harmony that we here require than the other:
"Quis est enim iste amor amicitiae? cur neque deformem adolescentem
quisquam amat, neque formosum senem?"
["For what is that friendly love? why does no one love a deformed
youth or a comely old man?"--Cicero, Tusc. Quaes., iv. 33.]
Neither will that very picture that the Academy presents of it, as I
conceive, contradict me, when I say, that this first fury inspired by the
son of Venus into the heart of the lover, upon sight of the flower and
prime of a springing and blossoming youth, to which they allow all the
insolent and passionate efforts that an immoderate ardour can produce,
was simply founded upon external beauty, the false image of corporal
generation; for it could not ground this love upon the soul, the sight of
which as yet lay concealed, was but now springing, and not of maturity
to blossom; that this fury, if it seized upon a low spirit, the means by
which it preferred its suit were rich presents, favour in advancement to
dignities, and such trumpery, which they by no means approve; if on a
more generous soul, the pursuit was suitably generous, by
philosophical instructions, precepts to revere religion, to obey the laws,
to die for the good of one's country; by examples of valour, prudence,
and justice, the lover studying to render himself acceptable by the grace
and beauty of the soul, that of his body being long since faded and
decayed, hoping by this mental society to establish a more firm and
lasting contract. When this courtship came to effect in due season (for
that which they do not require in the lover, namely, leisure and
discretion in his pursuit, they strictly require in the person loved,
forasmuch as he is to judge of an internal beauty, of difficult
knowledge and abstruse discovery), then there sprung in the person
loved the desire of a spiritual conception; by the mediation of a
spiritual beauty. This was the principal; the corporeal, an accidental and
secondary matter; quite the contrary as to the lover. For this reason they
prefer the person beloved, maintaining that the gods in like manner
preferred him too, and very much blame the poet AEschylus for having,

in the loves of Achilles and Patroclus, given the lover's part to Achilles,
who was in the first and beardless flower of his adolescence, and the
handsomest of all the Greeks. After this general community, the
sovereign, and most worthy part presiding and governing, and
performing its proper offices, they say, that thence great utility was
derived, both by private and public concerns; that it constituted the
force and power of the countries where it prevailed, and the chiefest
security of liberty and justice. Of which the healthy loves of Harmodius
and Aristogiton are instances. And therefore it is that they called it
sacred