The Eleven Comedies, vol 2 | Page 8

of the gods! withdraw or we shall fight
you the whole day long.
CHORUS. No, not as long as I retain an atom of breath. Ha! your
desire is to tyrannize over us!
BDELYCLEON. Everything is now tyranny with us, no matter what is
concerned, whether it be large or small. Tyranny! I have not heard the
word mentioned once in fifty years, and now it is more common than
salt-fish, the word is even current on the market. If you are buying
gurnards and don't want anchovies, the huckster next door, who is
selling the latter, at once exclaims, "That is a man, whose kitchen
savours of tyranny!" If you ask for onions to season your fish, the
green-stuff woman winks one eye and asks, "Ha! you ask for onions!
are you seeking to tyrannize, or do you think that Athens must pay you
your seasonings as a tribute?"
XANTHIAS. Yesterday I went to see a gay girl about noon and
suggested she should mount and ride me; she flew into a rage,
pretending I wanted to restore the tyranny of Hippias.[63]
BDELYCLEON. That's the talk that pleases the people! As for myself,
I want my father to lead a joyous life like Morychus[64] instead of
going away before dawn to basely calumniate and condemn; and for
this I am accused of conspiracy and tyrannical practice!

PHILOCLEON. And quite right too, by Zeus! The most exquisite
dishes do not make up to me for the life of which you deprive me. I
scorn your red mullet and your eels, and would far rather eat a nice
little law suitlet cooked in the pot.
BDELYCLEON. 'Tis because you have got used to seeking your
pleasure in it; but if you will agree to keep silence and hear me, I think
I could persuade you that you deceive yourself altogether.
PHILOCLEON. I deceive myself, when I am judging?
BDELYCLEON. You do not see that you are the laughing-stock of
these men, whom you are ready to worship. You are their slave and do
not know it.
PHILOCLEON. I a slave, I, who lord it over all!
BDELYCLEON. Not at all, you think you are ruling when you are only
obeying. Tell me, father, what do you get out of the tribute paid by so
many Greek towns?
PHILOCLEON. Much, and I appoint my colleagues jurymen.
BDELYCLEON. And I also. Release him, all of you, and bring me a
sword. If my arguments do not prevail I will fall upon this blade. As for
you, tell me whether you accept the verdict of the Court.
PHILOCLEON. May I never drink my Heliast's pay in honour of the
good Genius, if I do not.
CHORUS. Tis now we have to draw upon our arsenal for some fresh
weapon; above all do not side with this youth in his opinions. You see
how serious the question has become; 'twill be all over with us, which
the gods forfend, if he should prevail.
BDELYCLEON. Let someone bring me my tablets with all speed!
CHORUS. Your tablets? Ha, ha! what an importance you would fain
assume!

BDELYCLEON. I merely wish to note down my father's points.
PHILOCLEON. But what will you say of it, if he should triumph in the
debate?
CHORUS. That old men are no longer good for anything; we shall be
perpetually laughed at in the streets, shall be called thallophores,[65]
mere brief-bags. You are to be the champion of all our rights and
sovereignty. Come, take courage! Bring into action all the resources of
your wit.
PHILOCLEON. At the outset I will prove to you that there exists no
king whose might is greater than ours. Is there a pleasure, a blessing
comparable with that of a juryman? Is there a being who lives more in
the midst of delights, who is more feared, aged though he be? From the
moment I leave my bed, men of power, the most illustrious in the city,
await me at the bar of the tribunal; the moment I am seen from the
greatest distance, they come forward to offer me a gentle hand,--that
has pilfered the public funds; they entreat me, bowing right low and
with a piteous voice, "Oh! father," they say, "pity me, I adjure you by
the profit you were able to make in the public service or in the army,
when dealing with the victuals." Why, the man who thus speaks would
not know of my existence, had I not let him off on some former
occasion.
BDELYCLEON. Let us note this first point, the supplicants.
PHILOCLEON. These entreaties have appeased my wrath, and I
enter--firmly resolved to do nothing that I have promised. Nevertheless
I listen to the accused. Oh! what tricks to secure acquittal! Ah! there is
no form of flattery