The Clicking of Cuthbert

The Clicking of Cuthbert, by P.
G. Wodehouse

The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Clicking of Cuthbert, by P. G.
Wodehouse #21 in our series by P. G. Wodehouse
Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the
copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing
this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook.
This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project
Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the
header without written permission.
Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the
eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is
important information about your specific rights and restrictions in how
the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a
donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved.
**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since
1971**
*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of
Volunteers!*****
Title: The Clicking of Cuthbert
Author: P. G. Wodehouse

Release Date: December, 2004 [EBook #7028] [Yes, we are more than
one year ahead of schedule] [This file was first posted on February 24,
2003]
Edition: 10
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE
CLICKING OF CUTHBERT ***
This eBooks was produced by Suzanne L. Shell, Charles Franks and
the Online Distributed Proofreading Team

THE CLICKING OF CUTHBERT

by P. G. Wodehouse
1922

DEDICATION
TO THE IMMORTAL MEMORY OF JOHN HENRIE AND PAT
ROGIE WHO AT EDINBURGH IN THE YEAR 1593 A.D. WERE
IMPRISONED FOR "PLAYING OF THE GOWFF ON THE LINKS
OF LEITH EVERY SABBATH THE TIME OF THE SERMONSES",
ALSO OF ROBERT ROBERTSON WHO GOT IT IN THE NECK IN
1604 A.D. FOR THE SAME REASON

FORE!

This book marks an epoch in my literary career. It is written in blood. It
is the outpouring of a soul as deeply seared by Fate's unkindness as the
pretty on the dog-leg hole of the second nine was ever seared by my
iron. It is the work of a very nearly desperate man, an
eighteen-handicap man who has got to look extremely slippy if he
doesn't want to find himself in the twenties again.
As a writer of light fiction, I have always till now been handicapped by
the fact that my disposition was cheerful, my heart intact, and my life
unsoured. Handicapped, I say, because the public likes to feel that a
writer of farcical stories is piquantly miserable in his private life, and
that, if he turns out anything amusing, he does it simply in order to
obtain relief from the almost insupportable weight of an existence
which he has long since realized to be a wash-out. Well, today I am just
like that.
Two years ago, I admit, I was a shallow farceur. My work lacked depth.
I wrote flippantly simply because I was having a thoroughly good time.
Then I took up golf, and now I can smile through the tears and laugh,
like Figaro, that I may not weep, and generally hold my head up and
feel that I am entitled to respect.
If you find anything in this volume that amuses you, kindly bear in
mind that it was probably written on my return home after losing three
balls in the gorse or breaking the head off a favourite driver: and, with a
murmured "Brave fellow! Brave fellow!" recall the story of the clown
jesting while his child lay dying at home. That is all. Thank you for
your sympathy. It means more to me than I can say. Do you think that
if I tried the square stance for a bit.... But, after all, this cannot interest
you. Leave me to my misery.
POSTSCRIPT.--In the second chapter I allude to Stout Cortez staring
at the Pacific. Shortly after the appearance of this narrative in serial
form in America, I received an anonymous letter containing the words,
"You big stiff, it wasn't Cortez, it was Balboa." This, I believe, is
historically accurate. On the other hand, if Cortez was good enough for
Keats, he is good enough for me. Besides, even if it was Balboa, the
Pacific was open for being stared at about that time, and I see no reason

why Cortez should not have had a look at it as well.
P. G. WODEHOUSE.

CONTENTS
FORE!
CHAPTER
I.
THE CLICKING OF CUTHBERT
II. A WOMAN IS ONLY A WOMAN
III. A MIXED THREESOME
IV. SUNDERED HEARTS
V. THE SALVATION OF GEORGE MACKINTOSH
VI. ORDEAL BY GOLF
VII. THE LONG HOLE
VIII. THE HEEL OF ACHILLES
IX. THE ROUGH STUFF
X. THE COMING OF GOWF

1
The Clicking of Cuthbert

The young