The Chequers | Page 5

Regardless of that woman's loud inquiries about the smell, which was
in truth, sir, very overpowering, we pursued our joint labours until two
in the morning, and then the brute was only half raw. One penknife was
our sole cutlery; but we managed to cut through the skin, and we
devoured the oily stuff like famished hounds, sir. We were ashamed;

but, as the poet truly observes, 'Necessity knows no law,' and we
endured the scurrilous language of the woman when, on the morrow,
she found the bottom of the shovel encrusted with dirt and the top
thickly coated with grease. That fish saved us, sir."
Little by little Devine worked his way towards London, and at length
he appeared in a West-end theatre. His reminiscences of the stars are
impressive, but we need not deal with them; it is enough to say that he
was successful--and in light comedy no less. About this time he began
to have his photograph taken very frequently, and the portraits made
me feel sad. This dull, sodden man was once a handsome fellow, alert,
well poised, brave and cheerful. The profile which I saw in the
photographs somehow made me think of an arrow-head on the upward
flight; that, lower jaw, which is now so flabby and slobbery was once
well rounded, and the weakness was not unpleasantly evident. I often
wonder that human vanity has not done away with alcoholism. Men are
vain animals, yet a good-looking fellow, who could never pass a mirror
without stealing a quiet look, will cheerfully go on drugging himself
until every feature is transformed. I have seen the process of facial
degradation carried through in so many cases that I can tell within a
little how long a man has been a drinker, and that with no other guide
than the standard of graduated depravity which is in my mind, and
which I instinctively consult. Devine must have been attractive to
women, for they certainly did their best to spoil him, if one may judge
by the collection of faded notes which he retains. He met his fate at last.
A pretty, sentimental girl fell in love with him, and pressed him to
make an appointment with her, so the dashing young actor arranged to
meet the love-stricken damsel at Hampton Court. The flowers of the
chestnuts were splendid, and the spirit of May was in the air. "I seem to
see the same sunshine and the same flowers very often, even when I'm
too jumpy to know what is going on all round," said the poor, battered
man. The girl sobbed and trembled. "I couldn't help it; I had to meet
you, and, Oh, if father knew, I believe he'd beat me." Devine found out
that the lady was the daughter of a very rich tradesman, and he was not
by any means displeased, for romantic actors have just as keen an eye
to business as other folk. Before the pleasant afternoon closed, he had
gained permission to call the truant Letty, and she primmed her rosy

lips as he taught her to say Will. Decidedly Mr. Devine was no laggard
in love.
Indiscreet little Letty found means to steal away from home time after
time, and her stock of fibs must have been varied and extensive, for
three months passed before the inevitable catastrophe came.
"This is Aunt Lizer, is it?"
Devine and Miss Letty were walking in a secluded corner of
Wimbledon Common when a loud voice spoke thus. Letty screamed,
and turned to face a stout, red-faced man who stood glaring ominously.
Devine, after the approved stage fashion, said "May I ask the meaning
of this intrusion?"
"Meanin'! You talk about meanin' to John Billiter? See this stick? I'll
meanin' you! This is my daughter, and I'll thank you to tell me who you
are." Need I say that Devine rose to the occasion? He recited to me a
portion of the reply which he made to the aggrieved parent, and I can
fully believe that that worthy man was surprised. "The Rivals," "The
Hunchback," "Romeo and Juliet," and other dramatic works were
ransacked for phrases, and the stately periods flowed on until Mr.
Billiter gasped, "Damn it, gal!--do you mean to say you've deceived
your father so you might git out along of a blanked lunatic?" This was
too much. Devine observed with majesty, "Sir, I can pardon much to
the father of the lady whom I love; but there are limits, sir. Beware!"
"You come along to the trap, you hussy; and as for you mister, let me
ketch you anywhere near our place and I'll turn the yard dog out on
you!"
Poor Letty was severely shut up at home. Her father questioned her
much, and when he heard at length