Speed the Plough | Page 9

for her; my fat oxen have dwindled into Dutch
pugs, and white mice; my India bonds are transmuted into shawls and
otto of roses; and a magnificent mansion has shrunk into a diamond
snuff-box.
Enter COUNTRYMAN.
Coun. Gentlemen, the folks be all got together, and the ploughs be
ready--and----
Sir Abel. We are coming. [Exit SERVANT.
Handy, jun. Ploughs?
Sir Abel. Yes, Bob, we are going to have a grand agricultural meeting.
Handy, jun. Indeed!
Sir Abel. If I could but find a man able to manage my new-invented
curricle plough, none of them would have a chance.
Handy, jun. My dear sir, if there be any thing on earth I can do, it is
that.
Sir Abel. What!
Handy. I rather fancy I can plough better than any man in England.
Sir Abel. You don't say so! What a clever fellow he is! I say, Bob, if
you would--
Handy, jun. No! I can't condescend.
Sir Abel. Condescend! why not?--much more creditable, let me tell you,

than gallopping a maggot for a thousand, or eating a live cat, or any
other fashionable achievement.
Handy, jun. So it is--Egad! I will--I'll carry off the prize of industry.
Sir Abel. But should you lose, Bob.
Handy, jun. I lose! that's vastly well!
Sir Abel. True, with my curricle plough you could hardly fail.
Handy, jun. With my superior skill, Dad--Then, I say, how the
newspapers will teem with the account.
Sir Abel. Yes.
Handy, jun. That universal genius, Handy, junior, with a plough----
Sir Abel. Stop--invented by that ingenious machinist, Handy, senior.
Handy, jun. Gained the prize against the first husbandmen in
Hampshire--Let our Bond-street butterflies emulate the example of
Handy, junior.--
Sir Abel. And let old city grubs cultivate the field of science, like
Handy, senior--Ecod! I am so happy!
Lady H. [Without.] Sir Abel!
Sir Abel. Ah! there comes a damper.
Handy, jun. Courage! you have many resources of happiness.
Sir Abel. Have I? I should be very glad to know them.
Handy, jun. In the first place you possess an excellent temper.
Sir Abel. So much the worse; for if I had a bad one, I should be the
better able to conquer hers.

Handy, jun. You enjoy good health--
Sir Abel. So much the worse; for if I were ill, she wouldn't come near
me.
Handy, jun. Then you are rich--
Sir Abel. So much the worse; for had I been poor, she would not have
married me. But I, say, Bob, if you gain the prize, I'll have a patent for
my plough.
Lady H. [Without.] Sir Abel! I say--
Handy, jun. Father, could not you get a patent for stopping that sort of
noise?
Sir Abel. If I could, what a sale it would have!--No, Bob, a patent has
been obtained for the only thing that will silence her--
Handy, jun. Aye--What's that?
Sir Abel. [In a whisper.] A coffin! hush!--I'm coming, my dear.
Handy, jun. Ha, ha, ha! [Exeunt.
SCENE III.
A Parlour in ASHFIELD'S House.
Enter ASHFIELD and Wife.
Ash. I tell ye, I zee'd un gi' Susan a letter, an I dan't like it a bit.
Dame. Nor I: if shame should come to the poor child--I say, Tummas,
what would Mrs. Grundy say then?
Ash. Dom Mrs. Grundy; what would my poor wold heart zay? but I be
bound it be all innocence.

Enter HENRY.
Dame. Ah, Henry! we have not seen thee at home all day.
Ash. And I do zomehow fanzie things dan't go zo clever when thee'rt
away from farm.
Henry. My mind has been greatly agitated.
Ash. Well, won't thee go and zee the ploughing match?
Henry. Tell me, will not those who obtain prizes be introduced to the
Castle?
Ash. Ees, and feasted in the great hall.
Henry. My good friend, I wish to become a candidate.
Dame. You, Henry!
Henry. It is time I exerted the faculties Heaven has bestowed on me;
and though my heavy fate crushes the proud hopes this heart conceives,
still let me prove myself worthy of the place Providence has assigned
me.--[Aside.] Should I succeed, it will bring me to the presence of that
man, who (I know not why) seems the dictator of my fate.--[To them.]
Will you furnish me with the means?
Ash. Will I!--Thou shalt ha' the best plough in the parish--I wish it were
all gould for thy zake--and better cattle there can't be noowhere.
Henry. Thanks, my good friend--my benefactor--I have little time for
preparation--So receive my gratitude, and farewell. [Exit.
Dame. A blessing go with thee!
Ash. I zay, Henry, take Jolly, and Smiler, and Captain, but dan't ye take
thic lazy beast Genius--I'll be shot if having vive load an acre on my
wheat land could please me more.

Dame. Tummas, here comes Susan reading the letter.