School For Scandal | Page 9

Reputation of a prudent Lady of her stamp as a Fever is generally to
those of the strongest Constitutions, but there is a sort of puny sickly
Reputation, that is always ailing yet will outlive the robuster characters
of a hundred Prudes.
SIR BENJAMIN. True Madam there are Valetudinarians in Reputation
as well as constitution--who being conscious of their weak Part, avoid
the least breath of air, and supply their want of Stamina by care and
circumspection--
MRS. CANDOUR. Well but this may be all mistake--You know,
Sir
Benjamin very trifling circumstances often give rise to the most
injurious Tales.
CRABTREE. That they do I'll be sworn Ma'am--did you ever hear how

Miss Shepherd came to lose her Lover and her Character
last summer
at Tunbridge--Sir Benjamin you remember it--
SIR BENJAMIN. O to be sure the most whimsical circumstance--
LADY SNEERWELL. How was it Pray--
CRABTREE. Why one evening at Mrs. Ponto's Assembly--the
conversation happened to turn on the difficulty of breeding
Nova-Scotia Sheep in this country--says a young Lady in company[, "]I
have known instances of it[--]for Miss Letitia Shepherd, a first cousin
of mine, had a Nova-Scotia Sheep that produced her
Twins.["--"]What!["] cries the old Dowager Lady Dundizzy (who you
know is as deaf as a Post), ["]has Miss Letitia Shepherd had
twins["]--This Mistake--as you may imagine, threw the whole company
into a fit of Laughing--However 'twas the next morning everywhere
reported and in a few Days believed by the whole Town, that Miss
Letitia Shepherd had actually been brought to Bed of a fine Boy and
Girl--and in less than a week there were People who could name the
Father, and the Farm House where the Babies were put out to Nurse.
LADY SNEERWELL. Strange indeed!
CRABTREE. Matter of Fact, I assure you--O Lud! Mr. Surface pray is
it true that your uncle Sir Oliver is coming home--
SURFACE. Not that I know of indeed Sir.
CRABTREE. He has been in the East Indies a long time--you can
scarcely remember him--I believe--sad comfort on his arrival to hear
how your Brother has gone on!
SURFACE. Charles has been imprudent Sir to be sure[;] but I hope no
Busy people have already prejudiced Sir Oliver against him-- He may
reform--
SIR BENJAMIN. To be sure He may--for my Part I never believed him
to be so utterly void of Principle as People say--and tho'
he has lost

all his Friends I am told nobody is better spoken of-- by the Jews.
CRABTREE. That's true egad nephew--if the Old Jewry was a Ward I
believe Charles would be an alderman--no man more popular there,
'fore Gad I hear He pays as many annuities as the Irish Tontine and that
whenever He's sick they have Prayers for the recovery of his Health in
the synagogue--
SIR BENJAMIN. Yet no man lives in greater Splendour:--they tell me
when He entertains his Friends--He can sit down to dinner with a dozen
of his own Securities, have a score Tradesmen waiting in the
Anti-Chamber, and an officer behind every guest's Chair.
SURFACE. This may be entertainment to you Gentlemen but you pay
very little regard to the Feelings of a Brother.
MARIA. Their malice is intolerable--Lady Sneerwell I must wish you a
good morning--I'm not very well.
[Exit MARIA.]
MRS. CANDOUR. O dear she chang'd colour very much!
LADY SNEERWELL. Do Mrs. Candour follow her--she may want
assistance.
MRS. CANDOUR. That I will with all my soul ma'am.--Poor dear
Girl-- who knows--what her situation may be!
[Exit MRS. CANDOUR.]
LADY SNEERWELL. 'Twas nothing but that she could not bear to
hear Charles reflected on notwithstanding their difference.
SIR BENJAMIN. The young Lady's Penchant is obvious.
CRABTREE. But Benjamin--you mustn't give up the Pursuit for that--
follow her and put her into good humour--repeat her some of your
verses--come, I'll assist you--

SIR BENJAMIN. Mr. Surface I did not mean to hurt you--but depend
on't your Brother is utterly undone--
[Going.]
CRABTREE. O Lud! aye--undone--as ever man was--can't raise a
guinea.
SIR BENJAMIN. And everything sold--I'm told--that was movable--
[Going.]
CRABTREE. I was at his house--not a thing left but some empty
Bottles that were overlooked and the Family Pictures, which I believe
are framed in the Wainscot.
[Going.]
SIR BENJAMIN. And I'm very sorry to hear also some bad stories
against him.
[Going.]
CRABTREE. O He has done many mean things--that's certain!
SIR BENJAMIN. But however as He is your Brother----
[Going.]
CRABTREE. We'll tell you all another opportunity.
[Exeunt.]
LADY SNEERWELL. Ha! ha! ha! 'tis very hard for them to leave a
subject they have not quite run down.
SURFACE. And I believe the Abuse was no more acceptable to your
Ladyship than Maria.

LADY SNEERWELL. I doubt her Affections are farther engaged than
we imagin'd but the Family are to be here this Evening so you may