Scarborough and the Critic | Page 2

your honour.?Fash. Can you give me change for a guinea??Post. Oh, yes, sir.?_Lory. [Aside_.] So, what will he do now?--[Aloud.]?Lord, sir, you had better let the boy be paid below.?Fash. Why, as you say, Lory, I believe it will be as well. Lory. Yes, yes, I'll tell them to discharge you below,?honest friend.?Post. Please your honour, there are the turnpikes too.?Fash. Ay, ay, the turnpikes by all means.?Post. And I hope your honour will order me something for?myself.?Fash. To be sure; bid them give you a crown.?Lory. Yes, yes--my master doesn't care what you charge?them--so get along, you--?Post. And there's the ostler, your honour.?Lory. Psha! damn the ostler!--would you impose upon the?gentleman's generosity?--[Pushes him out.] A rascal, to be so cursed ready with his change!?Fash. Why, faith, Lory, he had nearly posed me.?Lory. Well, sir, we are arrived at Scarborough, not worth a guinea! I hope you'll own yourself a happy man--you have?outlived all your cares.?Fash. How so, sir??Lory. Why, you have nothing left to take care of.?Fash. Yes, sirrah, I have myself and you to take care of?still.?Lory. Sir, if you could prevail with somebody else to do?that for you, I fancy we might both fare the better for it. But now, sir, for my Lord Foppington, your elder brother.?Fash. Damn my eldest brother.?Lory. With all my heart; but get him to redeem your?annuity, however. Look you, sir; you must wheedle him, or you must starve.?Fash. Look you, sir; I would neither wheedle him, nor?starve.?Lory. Why, what will you do, then??Fash. Cut his throat, or get someone to do it for me.?Lory. Gad so, sir, I'm glad to find I was not so well?acquainted with the strength of your conscience as with the weakness of your purse.?Fash. Why, art thou so impenetrable a blockhead as to?believe he'll help me with a farthing??Lory_. Not if you treat him _de haut en bas, as you?used to do.?Fash. Why, how wouldst have me treat him??Lory. Like a trout--tickle him.?Fash. I can't flatter.?Lory. Can you starve??Fash. Yes.?Lory. I can't. Good by t'ye, sir.?Fash. Stay--thou'lt distract me. But who comes here? My?old friend, Colonel Townly.?Enter COLONEL TOWNLY.?My dear Colonel, I am rejoiced to meet you here.?Col. Town. Dear Tom, this is an unexpected pleasure! What, are you come to Scarborough to be present at your brother's wedding??Lory. Ah, sir, if it had been his funeral, we should have come with pleasure.?Col. Town. What, honest Lory, are you with your master?still??Lory. Yes, sir; I have been starving with him ever since I saw your honour last.?Fash. Why, Lory is an attached rogue; there's no getting?rid of him.?Lory. True, sir, as my master says, there's no seducing me from his service.--[Aside.] Till he's able to pay me my?wages.?Fash. Go, go, sir, and take care of the baggage.?Lory. Yes, sir, the baggage!--O Lord! [_Takes up the?portmanteau_.] I suppose, sir, I must charge the landlord to be very particular where he stows this??Fash. Get along, you rascal.--[Exit_ LORY with?the portmanteau_.] But, Colonel, are you acquainted with my proposed sister-in-law??Col. Town. Only by character. Her father, Sir Tunbelly?Clumsy, lives within a quarter of a mile of this place, in a lonely old house, which nobody comes near. She never goes abroad, nor sees company at home; to prevent all misfortunes, she has her breeding within doors; the parson of the parish teaches her to play upon the dulcimer, the clerk to sing, her nurse to dress, and her father to dance;--in short, nobody has free admission there but our old acquaintance, Mother Coupler, who has procured your brother this match, and is, I believe, a distant relation of Sir Tunbelly's.?Fash. But is her fortune so considerable??Col. Town. Three thousand a year, and a good sum of money, independent of her father, beside.?Fash. 'Sdeath! that my old acquaintance, Dame Coupler,?could not have thought of me, as well as my brother, for such a prize.?Col. Town. Egad, I wouldn't swear that you are too late-- his lordship, I know, hasn't yet seen the lady--and, I believe, has quarrelled with his patroness.?Fash. My dear Colonel, what an idea have you started!?Col. Town. Pursue it, if you can, and I promise you shall have my assistance; for, besides my natural contempt for his lordship, I have at present the enmity of a rival towards him. Fash. What, has he been addressing your old flame, the?widow Berinthia??Col. Town. Faith, Tom, I am at present most whimsically?circumstanced. I came here a month ago to meet the lady you mention; but she failing in her promise, I, partly from pique and partly from idleness, have been diverting my chagrin by offering up incense to the beauties of Amanda, our friend Loveless's wife. Fash. I never have seen her, but have heard her spoken of as a youthful wonder of beauty and prudence.?Col. Town. She is so