Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 8

differences and that she was returning
to him on the morrow. I understand that it was a complete success."

Mrs. Brackett was very much impressed by this story.
"If I don't find anyone to-day I shall try it," she said as we parted.
She did not find anyone, and, she did try it. She left home the following
day, as I learnt from Brackett when I met him a week later.
"Your tip's come off absolutely A 1," he said, "and I'm most awfully
obliged. The worry was getting on my wife's nerves. As it is I filled up
my establishment a couple of days ago and, as everything is going well,
I've wired my wife to come home to-morrow."
"Have you broken it to the maids?" I asked doubtfully.
"Oh, no; but I shall just tell 'em in the morning," said Brackett. "That'll
be all right."
I felt at the time that he was being far too precipitate, but he seemed so
confident that I didn't interfere. The sequel was disastrous.
In the first place Brackett, in his casual way, omitted to say anything
about his being married until Mrs. Brackett was actually in the house.
Even then he seems to have been rather ambiguous in his explanations.
Anyway the new maids were, or affected to be, profoundly shocked.
They intimated that they would never have entered so irregular an
establishment had they known, and departed en masse after spreading a
scandal among the tradespeople which will take the Bracketts twenty
years to live down.
* * * * *
THE ARRESTING POWER OF BEAUTY.
"You dreamed of someone with whiskers who made your heart stop
beating in your tiny waist every time he looked at you."--_Home
Notes._
* * * * *

"General, good plain cook; £45; flat, Maida Vale; constant hot water."
--_Times._
But why tell the poor woman beforehand?
* * * * *
"It recalls the distressing aphorism:
'Life is real, life is earnest, And things are not what they seem.'"
_Liverpool Post and Mercury._
For example, this may seem like a quotation from the "Psalm of Life,"
but it isn't.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A TEST OF SAGACITY.
MR. LLOYD GEORGE. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WITH THE
LETTERS I HAVE PLACED BEFORE HIM OUR LEARNED
FRIEND WILL NOW SPELL OUT SOMETHING THAT SIGNIFIES
THE GREATEST HAPPINESS FOR IRELAND."
THE PIG. "I CAN'T MAKE THE BEASTLY THING SPELL
'REPUBLIC.'"]
* * * * *
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
_Tuesday, February 10th._--As HIS MAJESTY read his gracious
speech to the assembled Lords and Commons did his thoughts flow
back for a moment to the last time he opened Parliament in person? It
was on another February 10th, in 1914, and so little was the coming
storm foreseen that the customary announcement, "My relations with
Foreign Powers continue to be friendly," was followed by a special
reference to the satisfactory progress of "my negotiations with the

German Government and the Ottoman Government"
regarding--Mesopotamia, of all places.
[Illustration: I AM AFRAID I AM GETTING
CONTROVERSIAL."--_Mr. Lloyd George._]
Since then everything has changed--save one. Ireland remains the
skeleton at the feast. The condition of that unhappy country still causes
HIS MAJESTY "grave concern," to be removed, let us piously hope,
by the promised Home Rule Bill. It is true that, as Lord DUFFERIN
said when moving the Address in the Lords, no one in Ireland appears
to want the Bill; but then, as Colonel SIDNEY PEEL, the Mover in the
Commons, remarked with equal truth, the ordinary rules of thought do
not apply to the Irish Question.
The PRIME MINISTER has lately been advised by a candid friend to
take a six months' holiday "to recover his resilience." Mr. ADAMSON
and Sir DONALD MACLEAN found him nowise lacking in that
quality when he came to reply to their criticisms of the King's Speech.
The Labour leader, convinced by a fortnight in Ireland that the present
Administration was all wrong, and that the Government's Bill would do
nothing to improve it, was bluntly asked, "Are we to withdraw the
troops and leave the assassins in charge?" while the "Wee Free"
champion, who had interpreted the recent by-elections as a sign that the
time for the Coalition was past, was unkindly reminded that, at any rate,
the results of these contests had furnished no encouragement to the
party that he adorns. "But I am afraid I am getting controversial," said
Mr. LLLOYD GEORGE, to the amusement of the House, which had
enjoyed his sword-play for half-an-hour; and with that he turned to the
task of defending the new policy in Russia. Having failed to subdue the
Bolshevists by force, we are now going to try the effect of commerce--a
modern reading of "Trade Follows the Flag." The Labour Party cheered
the new departure vociferously,