Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 4

building of an adequate harbour.
_May, 1893_.--Cyclone in the Channel, in which the British Fleet
disappears. The newspapers once more urge the immediate
commencement of the proposed adequate harbour.
_June, 1894_.--Disaster in the Channel. Every single vessel swamped,
owing to the terrific weather. Again the Press invites commencement of
an adequate harbour.
_July, 1895_.--Members of both Houses of Parliament, invited to take
part in a State function at Calais, having been put to considerable
inconvenience, immediate orders are given for the prompt
commencement of the much-needed adequate harbour at Dover.
_August, 19--_.--Proposed adequate harbour having employed the
hands, night and day, of thousands of workmen, at enormous expense
(owing to urgent pressure), is at length opened to the public, amidst
universal rejoicing.
* * * * *
MR. PUNCH'S POCKET IBSEN.
(_CONDENSED AND REVISED VERSION BY MR. P.'S OWN
HARMLESS IBSENITE._)
NO. I.--ROSMERSHÖLM.
ACT I.
_Sitting-room at Rosmershölm, with a stove, flower-stand, windows,
ancient and modern ancestors, doors, and everything handsome about it,
REBECCA WEST is sitting knitting a large antimacassar which is
nearly finished. Now and then she looks out of a window, and smiles
and nods expectantly to someone outside. Madam HELSETH is laying
the table for supper._
Rebecca (_folding up her work slowly_). But tell me precisely, what
about this White Horse? [_Smiling quietly._
Madam Helseth. Lord forgive you, Miss!--(_fetching cruet-stand, and

placing it on table_)--but you're making fun of me!
Rebecca (_gravely_). No, indeed. Nobody makes fun at Rosmershölm.
Mr. ROSMER would not understand it. (_Shutting window._) Ah, here
is Rector KROLL. (Opening door.) You will stay to supper, will you
not, Rector, and I will tell them to give us some little extra dish.
Kroll (_hanging up his hat in the hall_). Many thanks. (_Wipes his
boots._) May I come in? (_Comes in, puts down his stick, sits down,
and looks about him._) And how do you and ROSMER get on together,
eh?
_Reb._ Ever since your sister, BEATA, went mad and jumped into the
mill-race, we have been as happy as two little birds together. (_After a
pause, sitting down in arm-chair._) So you don't really mind my living
here all alone with ROSMER? We were afraid you might, perhaps.
Kroll. Why, how on earth--on the contrary, I shouldn't object at all if
you--(_looks at her meaningly_)--h'm!
_Reb._ (_interrupting, gravely_). For shame, Rector; how can you
make such jokes!
Kroll (_as if surprised_). Jokes? We do not joke in these parts--but here
is ROSMER.
[Illustration: "Taking off his gloves meaningly."]
[_Enter ROSMER, gently and softly._
Rosmer. So, my dear old friend, you have come again, after a year's
absence. (_Sits down._) We almost thought that--
Kroll (_nods_). So Miss WEST was saying--but you are quite mistaken.
I merely thought I might remind you, if I came, of our poor BEATA's
suicide, so I kept away. We Norwegians are not without our simple
tact.
Rosmer. It was considerate--but unnecessary. REB--I _mean_, Miss

WEST and I often allude to the incident, do we not?
_Reb._ (_strikes Tändstickor_). Oh, yes, indeed. (Lighting lamp.)
Whenever we feel a little more cheerful than usual.
Kroll. You dear good people! (_Wanders up the room._) I came
because the Spirit of Revolt has crept into my School. A Secret Society
has existed for weeks in the Lower Third! To-day it has come to my
knowledge that a booby-trap was prepared for me by the hand of my
own son, LAURITS, and I then discovered that a hair has been inserted
in my cane by my daughter HILDA! The only way in which a
right-minded Schoolmaster can combat this anarchic and subversive
spirit is to start a newspaper, and I thought that you, as a weak,
credulous, inexperienced and impressionable kind of man, were the
very person to be the Editor.
[_REB. laughs softly, as if to herself. ROSMER jumps up and sits
down again._
_Reb._ (_with a look at Rosmer_). Tell him now!
Rosmer (_returning the look_). I can't--some other evening. Well,
perhaps-- (_To KROLL._) I can't be your Editor--because (_in a low
voice_) I--I am on the side of LAURITS and HILDA!
Kroll (_looks from one to the other, gloomily_). H'm!
Rosmer. Yes. Since we last met, I have changed my views. I am going
to create a new democracy, and awaken it to its true task of making all
the people of this country noblemen, by freeing their wills, and
purifying their minds!
Kroll. What do you mean? [_Takes up his hat._
Rosmer (_bowing his head_). I don't quite know, my dear friend; it was
REB--I should say. Miss WEST's scheme.
Kroll. H'm! (_A suspicion appears in his face._) Now I begin to believe

that what BEATA said about schemes--no matter. But, under the
circumstances, I will not stay to supper.
[_Takes up his stick, and walks out._
Rosmer. I told you