Punch, Or The London Charivari

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殢Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100, April 18, 1891

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April 18, 1891, by Various This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net
Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100, April 18, 1891
Author: Various
Release Date: August 30, 2004 [EBook #13323]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1

Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.

VOL. 100.

April 18, 1891.

_March 13_.--Left Billsbury this morning by nine o'clock train, and came back to London. Brought with me the _Billsbury Standard_, and the Billsbury Meteor (the Radical paper.) Both have accounts of last night's meeting. Rather different, though.
The era of indecision is past. In another column we give a full account of the important meeting of the Council of the Conservative Association, which was held last night for the purpose of selecting a Conservative Candidate for Billsbury. The proceedings were enthusiastic and unanimous ... Mr. RICHARD B. PATTLE, the selected Conservative Candidate, is a young man of the highest promise. He had a distinguished career at Oxford, where he obtained honours in History, and represented his College in the Torpid races for eight-oared crews. Since then he has been called to the Bar, where he has already secured a lucrative practice.... His speech last night had the right ring about it. It was eloquent, practical, convincing, modest and decided, thoroughly in harmony with the best traditions of the Conservative party, and remarkable for the proof it afforded of the devotion of Conservatives at all times to the highest interests of the working classes. We have no hesitation in declaring, as Colonel CHORKLE did last night, that with such a Candidate to oppose him, the fate of Sir THOMAS CHUBSON may be considered as already decided. If only all Conservatives will put their shoulders to the wheel and work hard, the stigma under which Billsbury now labours will be swept away. A Mass Meeting of Conservative electors will be held on an early date to ratify the decision of the Council, and inaugurate the period of hard work throughout the constituency.
Last night the Conservatives gave their annual performance of the good old farce entitled, _Choosing a Candidate; or, Who's got the Money-bags?_ We are glad to be able to congratulate this distinguished body of amateurs on the modest success which attended their efforts. Most of the performers are well-known to the Billsbury public. Alderman TOLLAND, as the heavy father, provoked screams of laughter by the studied pomposity of his manner. His unctuous rendering of the catch-phrase, "Constitutional Progress," has lost none of its old force. Mr. CHORKLE was, perhaps, not so successful as we have sometimes seen him in his representation of a real Colonel, but the scene in which he attacked and routed LINDLEY MURRAY, went extremely well. Mr. JERRAM as a singing journalist, was admirable. We cannot help wondering why so remarkable an actor should confine himself to the provincial stage. We had almost forgotten to mention that the part of The Candidate was, on this occasion, assigned to a Mr. RICHARD PATTLE, a complete novice, whose evident nervousness seriously imperilled the success of the piece. He had omitted to learn his part adequately, and the famous soliloquy, "The country has need of me," was painfully bungled. Mr. PATTLE has few qualifications for the ambitious _r?le_ he essayed, and his friends would be doing an act of true kindness if they insisted on his withdrawal from a profession for which he is in no way fitted. The performance will be repeated as usual next year.
I suppose the Meteor people think that witty. When I got home, an awful thing happened. Mother, of course, wanted to see the papers, so I gave her the _Standard_, with which she was much pleased. She said it was evident I had made a wonderful impression, and that the Billsbury Conservatives were particularly sensible people! But, by some mistake, I left the Meteor lying on the drawing-room table. It seems that, in the afternoon, that sharp-tongued old hag, Mrs. SPIGOT, called. She saw the _Meteor_, took it up, and said, "Dear me, is this something about your son?" Mother, thinking it was the _Standard_, said, "Oh yes--do read it, Mrs. SPIGOT; it's a wonderfully accurate account, RICHARD says;" and that old cat read it all through. She then smiled, and said, "Yes, very flattering indeed." After she had gone, mother took it up, and, to her horror, found what it was. She was furious. When
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