Peter Simple | Page 3

as soon as he was out of hearing, "what is
the matter with Mr Handycock, that he is so cross to you?"

"Vy, my dear, it is one of the misfortunes of matermony, that ven the
husband's put out, the vife is sure to have her share of it."
"Are you people coming down to dinner?" roared Mr Handycock from
below. "Yes, my dear," replied the lady; "I thought that you were
washing your hands." We descended into the dining-room, where we
found that Mr Handycock had already devoured two of the whitings,
leaving only one on the dish for his wife and me. "Vould you like a
little bit of viting, my dear?" said the lady to me. "It's not worth
halving," observed the gentleman, in a surly tone, taking up the fish
with his own knife and fork, and putting it on his plate.
"Well, I'm so glad you like them, my dear," replied the lady meekly;
then turning to me, "there's some nice roast weal coming, my dear."
The veal made its appearance, and fortunately for us Mr Handycock
could not devour it all. He took the lion's share, nevertheless, cutting
off all the brown, and then shoving the dish over to his wife to help
herself and me.
After dinner, Mr Handycock went down to the cellar for a bottle of
wine. "O deary me!" exclaimed his wife, "he must have lost a mint of
money--we had better go upstairs and leave him alone; he'll be better
after a bottle of port, perhaps." I was very glad to go away, and being
very tired, I went to bed without any tea, for Mrs Handycock dared not
venture to make it before her husband came upstairs.
CHAPTER TWO.
FITTING OUT ON THE SHORTEST NOTICE--FORTUNATELY
FOR ME THIS DAY MR. HANDYCOCK IS NOT A BEAR, AND I
FARE VERY WELL--I SET OFF FOR PORTSMOUTH--BEHIND
THE COACH I MEET A MAN BEFORE THE MAST--HE IS
DISGUISED WITH LIQUOR, BUT IS NOT THE ONLY DISGUISE I
FALL IN WITH IN MY JOURNEY.
The next morning Mr Handycock appeared to be in somewhat better
humour. One of the linendrapers who fitted out cadets, etcetera, "on the

shortest notice," was sent for, and orders given for my equipment,
which Mr Handycock insisted should be ready on the day afterwards,
or the articles would be left on his hands; adding, that my place was
already taken in the Portsmouth coach.
The man made his promise, took my measure, and departed; and soon
afterwards Mr Handycock also quitted the house.
At four o'clock Mr Handycock rapped at the door, and was let in--but
not by me. He ascended the stairs with three bounds, and coming into
the parlour, cried, "Well, Nancy, my love, how are you?" Then
stooping over her, "Give me a kiss, old girl. I'm as hungry as a hunter.
Mr Simple, how do you do? I hope you have passed the morning
agreeably. I must wash my hands and change my boots, my love; I am
not fit to sit down to table with you in this pickle. Well, Polly, how are
you?"
"I'm glad you're hungry, my dear, I've such a nice dinner for you,"
replied the wife, all smiles. "Jemima, be quick, and dish up--Mr
Handycock is so hungry."
"Yes, marm," replied the cook; and Mrs Handycock followed her
husband into his bedroom on the same floor, to assist him at his toilet.
"By Jove, Nancy, the bulls have been nicely taken in," said Mr
Handycock, as we sat down to dinner.
"O I am so glad!" replied his wife, giggling; and so I believe she was,
but why I did not understand.
We both had our share to-day, and I never saw a man more polite than
Mr Handycock. He joked with his wife, asked me to drink wine with
him two or three times, talked about my grandfather; and, in short, we
had a very pleasant evening.
The next morning all my clothes came home, but Mr Handycock, who
still continued in good humour, said that he would not allow me to
travel by night, that I should sleep there and set off the next morning;

which I did at six o'clock, and before eight I had arrived at the Elephant
and Castle, where we stopped for a quarter of an hour. I observed a
crowd assembled at the corner; and asking a gentleman who sat by me
in a plaid cloak, whether there was not something very uncommon to
attract so many people, he replied, "Not very, for it is only a drunken
sailor."
I rose from my seat, which was on the hinder part of the coach, that I
might see him, for it was a new sight to me, and excited my curiosity;
when, to my astonishment,