Olla Podrida | Page 4

depended upon it, who handed it over to
another, whose state was even more pitiable, and I was reminded of Sir
Philip Sidney and the cup of water, as he lay wounded on the field of
battle, "Thy necessity is greater than mine." And if I might have judged
from her trembling lips and pallid countenance, it was almost an equal
act of heroism. Paddle, paddle, splash, splash, bump, thump,
bump--one would really imagine that the passengers were so many
pumps, all worked at once with the vessel by the same hundred horse
power, for there were an hundred of them about me, each as sick as a
horse. "Sic omnes," thought I.
I have long passed the ordeal, and even steam, and smoke, and washing
basins, and all the various discordant and revolting noises from those
who suffer, have no effect upon my nervous system--still was I doomed
to torment, and was very sick indeed. For some time I had been
watched by the evil eyes of one, whom the Yankees would designate,
as almighty ugly. He was a thin, spare man, whose accost I could well
have spared, for he had the look of a demon, and, as I soon found, was

possessed with the demon of politics. Imagine what I must have
suffered when I found out that he was a button-holder to boot.
Observing that I was the only one who was in a state to listen, he seized
upon me as his victim. I, who had fled from politics with as much
horror as others have done from the cholera--I, who had encountered all
the miseries of steam navigation, and all the steam and effluvia of close
cabins, to find myself condemned with others "alike to groan--" what
with King Leopold, and William of Nassau, and the Belgian share of
the debt, and the French and Antwerp, and his pertinacious holding of
my button. "Shall I knock him down," thought I; "he insists upon laying
his hands upon me, why should I not lay my hands upon him?" But on
second consideration, that would not have been polite; so I made other
attempts to get rid of him, but in vain; I turned the subject to far
countries--the rascal had been everywhere; at one moment he would be
at Vienna, and discuss the German confederation--at another in South
America, canvassing the merits of Bolivar and Saint Martin. There was
no stopping him; his tongue was like the paddle of a steam-boat, and
almost threw as much spray in my face. At last I threw off my coat,
which he continued to hold in his hand by the third button, and threw
myself into one of the cribs appropriated to passengers, wishing him a
good night. He put my coat down in the crib beneath, and as he could
no longer hold the button, he laid hold of the side of the crib, and
continued his incessant clack. At last I turned my back to him, and
made no answer, upon which he made a retreat, and when I awoke the
next morning, I found that he was too ill to spout politics, although as
he progressed, he spouted what was quite as bad.
Par parenthese, he was a great liar, and as he drew a long bow when he
was able to talk, so did he prove a long shot when he was sea-sick.
Confound the fellow, I think I see him now--there he stood, a tall, gaunt
misery, about the height of a workhouse pump, and the basin was on
the floor of the cabin, nearly three feet from his two feet; without
condescending to stoop, or to sit down, or to lift up the basin, so as to
lessen the distance, he poured forth a parabola, "quod nunc describere"
had just as well be omitted. I shall therefore dismiss this persecuting
demon, by stating, that he called himself a baron, the truth of which I
doubted much; that he was employed by crowned heads, which I

doubted still more. On one point, however, I had little doubt, although
he did not enter upon the subject, (and his tongue to a great degree
confirmed it) that he was a chevalier d'industrie.
"I am rid of him, thank God," exclaimed I, as I went on deck to breathe
a little fresh air, having lighted my cigar in the steward's berth as I
ascended. The first objects which attracted my attention, were a young
gentleman and lady, the former standing by the latter, who was sitting
in a pensive position, with her elbow leaning on the gunnel. She was in
deep mourning, and closely veiled.
"And how does the beautiful Maria find herself this morning?" said the
young gentleman, leaning over her with his hand on the rail