My Roomy | Page 4

good hitter if I never shaved at all. That don't make no diff'rence."
"Yes, it does," I says. "You prob'ly hit good because you shave at night; but you'd be a better fielder if you shaved in the mornin'."
You see, I was tryin' to be just as crazy as him--though that wasn't hardly possible.
"If that's right," says he, "I'll do my shavin' in the mornin'--because I seen in the papers where the boys says that if I could play the outfield like I can hit I'd be as good as Cobb. They tell me Cobb gets twenty thousand a year."
"No," I says; "he don't get that much--but he gets about ten times as much as you do."
"Well," he says, "I'm goin' to be as good as him, because I need the money."
"What do you want with money? " I says.
He just laughed and didn't say nothin'; but from that time on the water didn't run in the bathtub nights and he done his shavin' after breakfast. I didn't notice, though, that he looked any better in fieldin' practice.

IV
It rained one day in Cincy and they trimmed us two out o' the other three; but it wasn't Elliott's fault.
They had Larry beat four to one in the ninth innin' o' the first game. Archer gets on with two out, and John sends my roomy up to hit--though Benton, a lefthander, is workin' for them. The first thing Benton serves up there Elliott cracks it a mile over Hobby's head. It would of been good for three easy--only Archer--playin' safe, o' course--pulls up at third base. Tommy couldn't do nothin' and we was licked.
The next day he hits one out o' the park off the Indian; but we was 'way behind and they was nobody on at the time. We copped the last one without usin' no pinch hitters.
I didn't have no trouble with him nights durin' the whole series. He come to bed pretty late while we was there and I told him he'd better not let John catch him at it. "What would he do?" he says.
"Fine you fifty," I says.
"He can't fine me a dime," he says, "because I ain't got it."
Then I told him he'd be fined all he had comin' if he didn't get in the hotel before midnight; but he just laughed and says he didn't think John had a kick comin' so long as he kep' bustin' the ball.
"Some day you'll go up there and you won't bust it," I says.
"That'll be an accident," he says.
That stopped me and I didn't say nothin'. What could you say to a guy who hated himself like that?
The "accident" happened in St. Louis the first day. We needed two runs in the eighth and Saier and Brid was on, with two out. John tells Elliott to go up in Pierce's place. The bug goes up and Griner gives him two bad balls--'way outside. I thought they was goin' to walk him--and it looked like good judgment, because they'd heard what he done in Cincy. But no! Griner comes back with a fast one right over and Elliott pulls it down the right foul line, about two foot foul. He hit it so hard you'd of thought they'd sure walk him then; but Griner gives him another fast one. He slammed it again just as hard, but foul. Then Griner gives him one 'way outside and it's two and three. John says, on the bench:
"If they don't walk him now he'll bust that fence down."
I thought the same and I was sure Griner wouldn't give him nothin' to hit; but he come with a curve and Rigler calls Elliott out. From where we sat the last one looked low, and I thought Elliott'd make a kick. He come back to the bench smilin'.
John starts for his position, but stopped and ast the bug what was the matter with that one. Any busher I ever knowed would of said, "It was too low," or "It was outside," or "It was inside." Elliott says:
"Nothin' at all. It was right over the middle."
"Why didn't you bust it, then?" says John.
"I was afraid I'd kill somebody," says Elliott, and laughed like a big boob. John was pretty near chokin'.
"What are you laughin' at?" he says.
"I was thinkin' of a nickel show I seen in Cincinnati," says the bug.
"Well," says John, so mad he couldn't hardly see, "that show and that laugh'll cost you fifty."
We got beat, and I wouldn't of blamed John if he'd fined him his whole season's pay.
Up 'n the room that night I told him he'd better cut out that laughin' stuff when we was gettin' trimmed or he never would have no pay day. Then he got confidential.
"Pay day wouldn't do me no good," he says. "When I'm all squared