Mr. Midshipman Easy | Page 3

instance
you must allow me to lay my positive veto."
"Well, then, let me see-but I'll think of it, Mr Easy; my head aches very
much just now."
"I will think for you, my dear. What do you say to John?"
"O no, Mr Easy, such a common name."
"A proof of its popularity, my dear. It is scriptural-we have the Apostle
and the Baptist-we have a dozen Popes who were all johns. It is
royal-we have plenty of kings who were Johns-and moreover, it is short,
and sounds honest and manly."
"Yes, very true, my dear; but they will call him Jack." "Well, we have
had several celebrated characters who were Jacks. There was-let me
see-Jack the Giant Killer, and Jack of the Bean Stock-and Jack-Jack-"
"Jack Spratt," replied Mrs Easy. "And Jack Cade, Mrs Easy, the great
rebel-and Three-fingered Jack, Mrs Easy, the celebrated negro-and,
above all, Jack Falstaff, ma'am, Jack Falstaff-honest Jack Falstaff-witty
Jack Falstaff-"
"I thought, Mr Easy, that I was to be permitted to choose the name."
"Well, so you shall, my dear; I give it up to you. Do just as you please;
but depend upon it that John is the right name. Is it not now, my dear?"
"It's the way you always treat me, Mr Easy; you say that you give it up,
and that I shall have my own way, but I never do have it. I am sure that
the child will be christened John."
"Nay, my dear, it shall be just what you please. Now I recollect it, there
were several Greek emperors who were johns; but decide for yourself,
my dear."
"No, no," replied Mrs Easy, who was ill, and unable to contend any
longer, "I give it up, Mr Easy. I know how it will be, as it always is:

you give me my own way as people give pieces of gold to children, it's
their own money, but they must not spend it. Pray call him John."
"There, my dear, did not I tell you you would be of my opinion upon
reflection? I knew you would. I have given you your own way, and you
tell me to call him John; so now we're both of the same mind, and that
point is settled."
"I should like to go to sleep, Mr Easy; I feel far from well."
"You shall always do just as you like, my dear," replied the husband,
"and have your own way in everything. It is the greatest pleasure I have
when I yield to your wishes. I will walk in the garden. Good-bye, my
dear."
Mrs Easy made no reply, and the philosopher quitted the room. As may
easily be imagined, on the following day the boy was christened John.

CHAPTER III
In which our hero has to wait the issue of an argument.
THE READER may observe that, in general, all my first chapters are
very short, and increase in length as the work advances. I mention this
as a proof of my modesty and diffidence. At first, I am like a young
bird just out of its mother's nest, pluming my little feathers and taking
short flights. By degrees I obtain more confidence, and wing my course
over hill and dale.
It is very difficult to throw any interest into a chapter on childhood.
There is the same uniformity in all children until they develop. We
cannot, therefore, say much relative to Jack Easy's earliest days; he
sucked and threw up his milk while the nurse blessed it for a pretty dear,
slept, and sucked again. He crowed in the morning like a cock,
screamed when he was washed, stared at the candle, and made wry
faces with the wind. Six months passed in these innocent amusements,

and then he was put into shorts. But I ought here to have remarked, that
Mrs Easy did not find herself equal to nursing her own infant, and it
was necessary to look out for a substitute.
Now a common-place person would have been satisfied with the
recommendation of the medical man, who looks but to the one thing
needful, which is a sufficient and wholesome supply of nourishment for
the child; but Mr Easy was a philosopher, and had latterly taken to
craniology, and he descanted very learnedly with the Doctor upon the
effect of his only son obtaining his nutriment from an unknown source.
"Who knows," observed Mr Easy, "but that my son may not imbibe
with his milk the very worst passions of human nature."
"I have examined her," replied the Doctor, "and can safely recommend
her."
"That examination is only preliminary to one more important," replied
Mr Easy. "I must examine her."
"Examine who, Mr Easy?" -exclaimed his wife, who had lain down
again on the bed.
"The