Mr. Bonaparte of Corsica | Page 9

Deity and all pertaining thereto,
so that there was nothing beyond a purely temporal discipline and lack

of funds to interfere with Bonaparte's enjoyment of all the pleasures
which Paris could give. Of temporal discipline he need have had no
fear, since, it was perforce relaxed while he was master of his solitude;
as for the lack of funds, history has shown that this never interfered
with the fulfilment of Napoleon's hopes, and hence the belief that the
beautiful pictures, drawn by historians and painted by masters of the
brush, of Napoleon in solitude should be revised to include a few
accessories, drawn from such portions of Parisian life as will readily
suggest themselves.
In his studies, however, Napoleon ranked high. His mathematical
abilities were so marked that it was stated that he could square the
circle with his eyes closed and both hands tied behind his back.
"The only circle I could not square at that time," said he, "was the
family circle, being insufficiently provided with income to do so. I
might have succeeded better had not Joseph's appetite grown too fast
for the strength of my pocket; that was the only respect, however, in
which I ever had any difficulty in keeping up with my dear elder
brother." It was here, too, that he learned the inestimably important
military fact that the shortest distance between two points is in a
straight line; and that he had fully mastered that fact was often
painfully evident to such of his schoolmates as seemed to force him to
measure with his right arm the distance between his shoulder and the
ends of their noses. Nor was he utterly without wit. Asked by a
cribbing comrade in examination what a corollary was, Napoleon
scornfully whispered back:
"A mathematical camel with two humps."
In German only was he deficient, much to the irritation of his
instructor.
"Will you ever learn anything?" asked M. Bouer, the German teacher.
"Certainly," said Napoleon; "but no more German. I know the only
word I need in that language."
"And what, pray, is that?"
"Surrender; that's all I'll ever wish to say to the Germans. But lest I get
it wrong, pray tell me the imperative form of surrender in your native
tongue."
M. Bouer's reply is not known to history, but it was probably not one
which the Master of Etiquette at Brienne could have entirely

commended.
So he lived at Brienne, thoroughly mastering the science of war;
acquiring a military spirit; making no friends, but commanding
ultimately the fearsome respect of his school-mates. One or two private
interviews with little aristocrats who jeered at him for his ancestry
convinced them that while he might not have had illustrious ancestors,
it was not unlikely that he would in time develop illustrious
descendants, and the jeerings and sneerings soon ceased. The climax of
Bonaparte's career at Brienne was in 1784, when he directed a snowball
fight between two evenly divided branches of the school with such
effect that one boy had his skull cracked and the rest were laid up for
weeks from their wounds.
"It was a wonderful fight," remarked Napoleon, during his campaign in
Egypt. "I took good care that an occasional missent ball should bowl
off the hat of M. Bouer, and whenever any particularly aristocratic
aristocrat's head showed itself above the ramparts, an avalanche fell
upon his facade with a dull, sickening thud. I have never seen an
American college football game, but from all I can learn from accounts
in the Paris editions of the American newspapers the effects physical in
our fight and that game are about the same."
In 1784, shortly after this episode, Napoleon left Brienne, having
learned all that those in authority there could teach him, and in 1785 he
applied for and received admission to the regular army, much to the
relief of Joseph.
"If he had flunked and come back to Corsica to live," said Joseph, "I
think I should have emigrated. I love him dearly, but I'm fonder of
myself, and Corsica, large as it is, is too small to contain Napoleon
Bonaparte and his brother Joseph simultaneously, particularly as
Joseph is distinctly weary of being used as an understudy for a gory
battle-field."

CHAPTER III
: PARIS--VALENCE--LYONS--CORSICA 1785-1793

The feeling among the larger boys at Brienne at Napoleon's departure
was much the same as that experienced by Joseph when his soon to-be-

famous brother departed from Corsica. The smaller boys regretted his
departure, since it had been one of their greatest pleasures to watch
Napoleon disciplining the upper classmen, but Bonaparte was as glad
to go as the elders were to have him.
"Brienne is good enough in its way," said he; "but what's the use of
fighting children? It's merely a waste of time