Miss Civilization | Page 3

remove, alter or modify the etext or this "small print!"
statement. You may however, if you wish, distribute this etext in
machine readable binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form,
including any form resulting from conversion by word pro- cessing or
hypertext software, but only so long as *EITHER*:

[*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and does *not*
contain characters other than those intended by the author of the work,
although tilde (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may be used
to convey punctuation intended by the author, and additional characters
may be used to indicate hypertext links; OR
[*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at no expense into
plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent form by the program that displays
the etext (as is the case, for instance, with most word processors); OR
[*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at no additional
cost, fee or expense, a copy of the etext in its original plain ASCII form
(or in EBCDIC or other equivalent proprietary form).
[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this "Small
Print!" statement.
[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the net profits
you derive calculated using the method you already use to calculate
your applicable taxes. If you don't derive profits, no royalty is due.
Royalties are payable to "Project Gutenberg
Association/Carnegie-Mellon University" within the 60 days following
each date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare) your annual
(or equivalent periodic) tax return.
WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU
DON'T HAVE TO?
The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time, scanning
machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty free copyright
licenses, and every other sort of contribution you can think of. Money
should be paid to "Project Gutenberg Association / Carnegie-Mellon
University".
*END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN
ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END*

This etext was prepared by Theresa Aramao of Syracuse, NY.

MISS CIVILIZATION
A COMEDY IN ONE ACT

"Miss Civilization" is founded on a story by the late James Harvey
Smith. All professional rights in this play belong to Richard Harding
Davis. Amateurs who desire to produce "Miss Civilization" may do so,
providing they apply for permission to the editor of Collier's Weekly, in
which publication this play was first printed.
PEOPLE IN THE PLAY
ALICE GARDNER: Daughter of James K. Gardner, President of the
L.I. & W. Railroad
"UNCLE" JOSEPH HATCH: Alias "Gentleman Joe"
"BRICK" MEAKIN: Alias "Reddy, the Kid"
HARRY HAYES: Alias "Grand Stand" Harry
CAPTAIN LUCAS: Chief of Police
Policemen, Brakemen, Engineers

Scene--The dining room in the country house of James K. Gardner on
Long Island. In the back wall is a double doorway opening into a hall.
A curtain divided in the middle hangs across the entrance. On the wall
on either side of the doorway are two electric lights, and to the left is a
telephone. Further to the left is a sideboard. On it are set silver salvers,
candlesticks, and Christmas presents of silver. They still are in the red
flannel bags in which they arrived. In the left wall is a recessed window
hung with curtains. Against the right wall is a buffet on which is set a
tea-caddy, toast-rack, and tea kettle. Below the buffet a door opens into
the butler's pantry. A dinner table stands well down the stage with a
chair at each end and on either side. Two chairs are set against the back
wall to the right of the door. The walls and windows are decorated with
holly and mistletoe and Christmas wreaths tied with bows of scarlet
ribbon. When the window is opened there is a view of falling snow. At
first the room is in complete darkness.
The time is the day after Christmas, near midnight.
After the curtain rises, one hears the noise of a file scraping on iron. It

comes apparently from outside the house at a point distant from the
dining room. The filing is repeated cautiously, with a wait between
each stroke, as though the person using the file had paused to listen.
Alice Gardner enters at centre, carrying a lighted candle in a silver
candlestick. She wears a dressing gown, with swan's down around her
throat and at the edges of her sleeves. Her feet are in bedroom slippers
topped with fur. Her hair hangs down in a braid. After listening intently
to the sound of the file, she places candle on sideboard and goes to
telephone. She speaks in a whisper.
ALICE: Hello, Central. Hello, Central. (Impatiently) Wake up! Wake
up! Is that you, Central? Give me the station agent at Bedford
Junction--quick. What? I CAN'T speak louder. Well, you MUST hear
me. Give me the station agent at Bedford Junction. No, there's always a