Mark Twain, A Biography 1866-1875 | Page 7

to obeying orders when they are given in that

convincing way; we'll just keep our hands up another fifteen minutes or
so for good measure.'
"We were waiting in a big saloon on C Street when Mark and Denis
came along. We knew they would come in, and we expected Mark
would be excited; but he was as unruffled as a mountain lake. He told
us they had been robbed, and asked me if I had any money. I gave him
a hundred dollars of his own money, and he ordered refreshments for
everybody. Then we adjourned to the Enterprise office, where he
offered a reward, and Dan de Quille wrote up the story and telegraphed
it to the other newspapers. Then somebody suggested that Mark would
have to give another lecture now, and that the robbery would make a
great subject. He entered right into the thing, and next day we engaged
Piper's Opera House, and people were offering five dollars apiece for
front seats. It would have been the biggest thing that ever came to
Virginia if it had come off. "But we made a mistake, then, by taking
Sandy Baldwin into the joke. We took in Joe here, too, and gave him
the watch and money to keep, which made it hard for Joe afterward.
But it was Sandy Baldwin that ruined us. He had Mark out to dinner the
night before the show was to come off, and after he got well warmed up
with champagne he thought it would be a smart thing to let Mark into
what was really going on.
"Mark didn't see it our way. He was mad clear through."
At this point Joseph Goodman took up the story. He said:
"Those devils put Sam's money, watch, keys, pencils, and all his things
into my hands. I felt particularly mean at being made accessory to the
crime, especially as Sam was my guest, and I had grave doubts as to
how he would take it when he found out the robbery was not genuine.
"I felt terribly guilty when he said:
"'Joe, those d--n thieves took my keys, and I can't get into my trunk. Do
you suppose you could get me a key that would fit my trunk?'
"I said I thought I could during the day, and after Sam had gone I took
his own key, put it in the fire and burnt it to make it look black. Then I
took a file and scratched it here and there, to make it look as if I had
been fitting it to the lock, feeling guilty all the time, like a man who is
trying to hide a murder. Sam did not ask for his key that day, and that
evening he was invited to judge Baldwin's to dinner. I thought he
looked pretty silent and solemn when he came home; but he only said:

"'Joe, let's play cards; I don't feel sleepy.'
"Steve here, and two or three of the other boys who had been active in
the robbery, were present, and they did not like Sam's manner, so they
excused themselves and left him alone with me. We played a good
while; then he said:
"'Joe, these cards are greasy. I have got some new ones in my trunk.
Did you get that key to-day?'
"I fished out that burnt, scratched-up key with fear and trembling. But
he didn't seem to notice it at all, and presently returned with the cards.
Then we played, and played, and played--till one o'clock--two
o'clock--Sam hardly saying a word, and I wondering what was going to
happen. By and by he laid down his cards and looked at me, and said:
"'Joe, Sandy Baldwin told me all about that robbery to-night. Now, Joe,
I have found out that the law doesn't recognize a joke, and I am going
to send every one of those fellows to the penitentiary.'
"He said it with such solemn gravity, and such vindictiveness, that I
believed he was in dead earnest.
"I know that I put in two hours of the hardest work I ever did, trying to
talk him out of that resolution. I used all the arguments about the boys
being his oldest friends; how they all loved him, and how the joke had
been entirely for his own good; I pleaded with him, begged him to
reconsider; I went and got his money and his watch and laid them on
the table; but for a time it seemed hopeless. And I could imagine those
fellows going behind the bars, and the sensation it would make in
California; and just as I was about to give it up he said:
"'Well, Joe, I'll let it pass--this time; I'll forgive them again; I've had to
do it so