Letters to a Daughter and A Little Sermon to School Girls | Page 2

girlhood is modesty; one of the greatest blemishes in
the character of any young person, especially of any young girl or
woman, is forwardness, boldness, pertness. The young girl who acts in
such a manner as to attract attention in public; who speaks loudly, and
jokes and laughs and tells stories in order to be heard by others than her
immediate companions; who dresses conspicuously; who enjoys being
the object of remark; who expresses opinions on all subjects with
forward self-confidence, is rightly regarded by all thoughtful and
cultivated people as one of the most disagreeable and obnoxious
characters to be met with in society. Modesty is one of the loveliest of
graces, and should be constantly cultivated.
And now you will see what I mean by saying that the root of good
manners is good behavior. In other words, good manners have their
time and living root in moral qualities and the Christian graces. There
is a certain surface display of manners which may be acquired and
which may deceive and pass with those who do not know us intimately;
but there is all the difference between such superficial good manners
and those which are real, that there is between the cut bouquet of
flowers which delights for an hour or two and then withers away, and
the living, growing plant which constantly delights us with fresh beauty
and bloom.
What are the characteristics of the agreeable and beautiful manners that

are the ornament and charm of the well-behaved girl? First we should
place gentleness, quietness, and serenity or self-possession. It has been
well said by an observing social critic, that the person who has no
manners at all has good manners. What is meant by this, and there is a
deep truth in it, is that gentle and quiet manners do not attract attention
at all. Their greatest charm is their unobtrusiveness, just as the charm
and distinguishing mark of a well-dressed person is that the dress is not
striking or obtrusive. You can infer from this how inconsistent with
good manners is heat and exaggeration in conversation. It is a just
complaint among refined and cultivated people that many, even of the
well-educated young women of the present day, talk too loudly and
vehemently; are given to exaggeration of statement and slang
expressions. The greatest blemish of the conversation and manners of
the young people of to-day is obtrusiveness and exaggeration. By
obtrusiveness I mean a style of speech and manners that attracts
attention and remark; by exaggeration I mean the too constant use of
the superlative in conversation, and a certain incongruity and
inappropriateness of expression which is very offensive to the
cultivated taste. Such expressions as "perfectly awful," "perfectly
beautiful," "too lovely for anything," "hateful," "horrible," may
constantly be heard in conversation upon trivial and unimportant
subjects in companies of young people whose educational opportunities
and social advantages would lead us to expect a very different style of
conversation. So of incongruous and inappropriate expressions. "My
grandfather and grandmother died on the same day of the year? wasn't
it funny?" said a young miss to a companion She meant that it was a
strange circumstance or coincidence. It was the wise remark of a great
man that "culture kills exaggeration." True and careful culture should
also weed out from our beautiful and expressive English language all
such incongruities and blemishes of speech as I have indicated.
Referring once more to what I have said about obtrusiveness,
forwardness, or boldness, being an unpleasant characteristic of the
manners of many young people of the present day, I want to impress
upon you that much of this boldness arises from lack of deference or
reverence for parents, teachers, and older people. This lack of deference
is a great defect of character in any young person. It is painfully

noticeable in many homes where children never seem to think of
paying any respect to the presence of their parents or older people;
where they will monopolize conversation at table, interrupt their
parents and guests to ask irrelevant questions or relate irrelevant
incidents, enter a room abruptly, and, without waiting to learn whether
any one is speaking, at once begin to speak of something pertaining to
their own affairs. All this is bad behavior and bad manners. It is
morally wrong as well. God has commanded that we shall honor our
father and mother; and one beautiful precept of scripture is, "Thou shalt
rise up before the hoary head and honor the face of the old man."
To sum up in the short space of one letter the more important truths I
would impress upon your mind in regard to behavior and manners, let
me say this: There are good manuals of etiquette and social form which
should be read and studied