LAbbe Constantin, vol 3 | Page 8

good of me to acknowledge it; for, between ourselves, she makes
me play an ungrateful and ridiculous role, a role which is quite unsuited
to my age. I am, you will admit, of the lover's age, and not of that of the
confidant."
"Of the confidant!"
"Yes, my dear fellow, of the confidant! That is my occupation in this
house. You were looking at us just now. Oh, I have very good eyes;
you were looking at us. Well, do you know what we were talking about?
Of you, my dear fellow, of you, of you again, of nothing but you. And
it is the same thing every evening; there is no end to the questions:
"'You were brought up together? You took lessons together from the
Abbe Constantin?'
"'Will he soon be Captain? And then?'
"'Commandant.'
"'And then?'
"'Colonel, etc., etc., etc.'
"Ah! I can tell you, my friend Jean, if you liked, you might dream a
very delicious dream."
Jean was annoyed, almost angry. Paul was much astonished at this
sudden attack of irritability.
"What is the matter? Have I said anything--"

"I beg your pardon; I was wrong. But how could you take such an
absurd idea into your head?"
"Absurd! I don't see it. I have entertained the absurd idea on my own
account."
"Ah! you--"
"Why 'Ah! you?' If I have had it you may have it; you are better worth
it than I am."
"Paul, I entreat you!"
Jean's discomfort was evident.
"We will not speak of it again; we will not speak of it again. What I
wanted to say, in short, is that Miss Percival perhaps thinks I am
agreeable; but as to considering me seriously, that little person will
never commit such a folly. I must fall back upon Mrs. Scott, but
without much confidence. You see, Jean, I shall amuse myself in this
house, but I shall make nothing out of it."
Paul de Lavardens did fall back upon Mrs. Scott, but the next day was
surprised to stumble upon Jean, who had taken to placing himself very
regularly in Mrs. Scott's particular circle, for like Bettina she had also
her little court. But what Jean sought there was a protection, a shelter, a
refuge.
The day of that memorable conversation on marriage without love,
Bettina had also, for the first time, felt suddenly awake in her that
necessity of loving which sleeps, but not very profoundly, in the hearts
of all young girls. The sensation had been the same, at the same
moment, in the soul of Bettina and the soul of Jean. He, terrified, had
cast it violently from him. She, on the contrary, had yielded, in all the
simplicity of her perfect innocence, to this flood of emotion and of
tenderness.
She had waited for love. Could this be love? The man who was to be

her thought, her life, her soul--could this be he--this Jean? Why not?
She knew him better than she knew all those who, during the past year,
had haunted her for her fortune, and in what she knew of him there was
nothing to discourage the love of a good girl. Far from it!
Both of them did well; both of them were in the way of duty and of
truth --she, in yielding; he, in resisting; she, in not thinking for a
moment of the obscurity of Jean; he, in recoiling before her mountain
of wealth as he would have recoiled before a crime; she, in thinking
that she had no right to parley with love; he, in thinking he had no right
to parley with honor.
This is why, in proportion as Bettina showed herself more tender, and
abandoned herself with more frankness to the first call of love--this is
why Jean became, day by day, more gloomy and more restless. He was
not only afraid of loving; he was afraid of being loved.
He ought to have remained away; he should not have come near her.
He had tried; he could not; the temptation was too strong; it carried him
away; so he came. She would come to him, her hands extended, a smile
on her lips, and her heart in her eyes. Everything in her said:
"Let us try to love each other, and if we can love, we will!"
Fear seized him. Those two hands which offered themselves to the
pressure of his hands, he hardly dared touch them. He tried to escape
those eyes which, tender and smiling, anxious and curious, tried to
meet his eyes. He trembled before the necessity of speaking to Bettina,
before the necessity of listening to her.
It was then that Jean took refuge with Mrs. Scott, and it was then that
Mrs. Scott gathered those uncertain, agitated, troubled words which
were not