King Arthurs Socks and Other Village Plays | Page 4

room, dear Asenath.
(_To Potiphar_) We shall be ready presently.
POTIPHAR. The horses are waiting!
ASENATH. It won't take me but a moment!

MADAM POTIPHAR. Come, my dear. (They go toward the door.) I
am so glad you liked our garden--
They go out.
POTIPHAR. (_turning to Joseph_) What were you going to say,
Joseph?
JOSEPH. You asked me about my accounts. I was about to suggest that
I show them to you tonight, when you return from your ride.
POTIPHAR. (_alarmed_) No! No! I don't want to see them. . . . I just
want to know that everything is getting on well.
JOSEPH. Everything is getting along quite well.
POTIPHAR. Very good. I have complete confidence in you. . . .
Joseph-- you have a mathematical mind; how long would you say it
would take a woman to do her hair?
JOSEPH. Not less than half an hour, sir--especially if she has
something to talk about with another woman while she is doing it.
POTIPHAR. (_surprised_) What should they have to talk about?
JOSEPH. Secrets.
POTIPHAR. Secrets?
JOSEPH. What things are women especially interested in, sir?
POTIPHAR. Dress, perhaps?
JOSEPH. Perhaps.
POTIPHAR. Housekeeping?
JOSEPH. I doubt it, sir.

POTIPHAR. Joseph, you perturb me. Besides food and dress, there is
only one subject, so far as I am aware, of interest to women. I hope you
do not imply--
JOSEPH. Far be it from me, sir, to indulge in implications, with respect
to an honoured guest, in the household in which I am a slave.
POTIPHAR. Still--it is hard to tell, sometimes. Women are mysterious
creatures. What do you think of them, Joseph?
JOSEPH. I try not to, sir.
POTIPHAR. You are a wise man. Yes, I suppose you have your
difficulties, too. The morality of the slave-girls is not all it should be.
But if you will believe me, the morality of our women, too--
JOSEPH. Ah, sir!
POTIPHAR. Yes, Joseph, it leaves something to be desired. If you
knew the advances that have been made to me by certain great ladies--
JOSEPH. If you will permit me to say so, sir, you have my sympathy.
POTIPHAR. Joseph--women are the very devil, aren't they?
JOSEPH. They are a great trial, sir. One must learn the secret of
dealing with them.
POTIPHAR. Do you know that secret?
JOSEPH. I do, sir.
POTIPHAR. I am inclined to believe that you really do. You are a
remarkable man. But then, you have a naturally cold disposition. It
must come easy to you.
JOSEPH. Not so easy as you may think, sir. Temperamentally, I am
very susceptible to the charms of women.

POTIPHAR. Then you are more remarkable even than I thought. Come,
what is your secret?
JOSEPH. It is not the sort of secret that one gives away for nothing, sir.
POTIPHAR. I am sorry to see you display such a mercenary
disposition, Joseph. But I see that I must come to terms with you. How
much will you take to teach me your secret?
JOSEPH. This time, sir, I will not be mercenary. I will make you a
sporting proposition.
POTIPHAR. (_very much interested_) Good! What is it?
JOSEPH. I will toss up a coin, and let you call it. If you win, I will
teach you the secret for nothing. And if you lose--
POTIPHAR. And if I lose, you keep your secret--
JOSEPH. Not merely that. If you lose, you will give me my freedom.
POTIPHAR. But I cannot get along without you, Joseph!
JOSEPH. I will continue to work for you on a salary basis.
POTIPHAR. Done! Where is your coin?
_Joseph takes a small coin from his wallet, flips it in the air, and covers
it with his hand when it falls on the table. He looks up at Potiphar_.
POTIPHAR. Much depends on this. What shall I say?
JOSEPH. I know what you will say, sir.
POTIPHAR. Impossible! Tails.
_Joseph uncovers the coin. Potiphar bends over it_.
JOSEPH. (_without looking_) It is heads.

POTIPHAR. So it is! I lose--Joseph, you are a lucky man!
JOSEPH. Not at all, sir--a clever one. You see, I knew just how the
coin would fall. I tossed it so that it would fall that way.
POTIPHAR. But--how did you know what I was going to say?
JOSEPH. I will explain to you. On one side of the coin is a
representation of the present Pharaoh, who has denied you
advancement because of his daughter's interest in you. In consequence,
you dislike any reminder of him--even on a coin. But on the other side
is a representation of the goddess Isis; she is your favourite
goddess--and moreover, you yourself have been heard to remark that
her face and figure resemble remarkably that of a certain great lady,
whose name--is never mentioned when the story