Isaac Bickerstaff | Page 9

for fear of their shape, forbear suckling their
own offspring; and ten nurses were immediately sent for; one was
whispered to have a wanton eye, and would soon spoil her milk;

another was in a consumption; the third had an ill voice, and would
frighten me instead of lulling me to sleep. Such exceptions were made
against all but one country milch-wench, to whom I was committed,
and put to the breast. This careless jade was eternally romping with the
footman and downright starved me; insomuch that I daily pined away,
and should never have been relieved had it not been that, on the
thirtieth day of my life, a Fellow of the Royal Society, who had writ
upon Cold Baths, came to visit me, and solemnly protested I was
utterly lost for want of that method; upon which he soused me head and
ears into a pail of water, where I had the good fortune to be drowned;
and so escaped being lashed into a linguist till sixteen, and being
married to an ill-natured wife till sixty, which had certainly been my
fate had not the enchantment between body and soul been broken by
this philosopher. Thus, till the age I should have otherwise lived, I am
obliged to watch the steps of men; and, if you please, shall accompany
you in your present walk, and get you intelligence from the aerial
lackey, who is in waiting, what are the thoughts and purposes of any
whom you inquire for."
I accepted his kind offer, and immediately took him with me in a hack
to White's.
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White's Chocolate-house, May 13.
We got in hither, and my companion threw a powder round us, that
made me as invisible as himself; so that we could see and hear all
others, ourselves unseen and unheard.
The first thing we took notice of was a nobleman of a goodly and frank
aspect, with his generous birth and temper visible in it, playing at cards
with a creature of a black and horrid countenance, wherein were plainly
delineated the arts of his mind, cozenage, and falsehood. They were
marking their game with counters, on which we could see inscriptions,
imperceptible to any but us. My Lord had scored with pieces of ivory,
on which were writ, "Good Fame, Glory, Riches, Honour, and
Posterity!" The spectre over-against him had on his counters the

inscriptions of "Dishonour, Impudence, Poverty, Ignorance, and Want
of Shame." "Bless me!", said I; "sure, my Lord does not see what he
plays for?" "As well as I do," says Pacolet. "He despises that fellow he
plays with, and scorns himself for making him his companion." At the
very instant he was speaking, I saw the fellow who played with my
Lord hide two cards in the roll of his stocking. Pacolet immediately
stole them from thence; upon which the nobleman soon after won the
game. The little triumph he appeared in, when he got such a trifling
stock of ready money, though he had ventured so great sums with
indifference, increased my admiration. But Pacolet began to talk to me.
"Mr. Isaac, this to you looks wonderful, but not at all to us higher
beings: that nobleman has as many good qualities as any man of his
order, and seems to have no faults but what, as I may say, are
excrescences from virtues. He is generous to a prodigality, more affable
than is consistent with his quality, and courageous to a rashness. Yet,
after all this, the source of his whole conduct is, though he would hate
himself if he knew it, mere avarice. The ready cash laid before the
gamester's counters makes him venture, as you see, and lay distinction
against infamy, abundance against want; in a word, all that is desirable
against all that is to be avoided." "However," said I, "be sure you
disappoint the sharpers to-night, and steal from them all the cards they
hide." Pacolet obeyed me, and my Lord went home with their whole
bank in his pocket.

IV.--RECOLLECTIONS.
It is remarkable that I was bred by hand, and ate nothing but milk till I
was a twelvemonth old; from which time, to the eighth year of my age,
I was observed to delight in pudding and potatoes; and, indeed, I retain
a benevolence for that sort of food to this day. I do not remember that I
distinguished myself in anything at those years but by my great skill at
taw, for which I was so barbarously used that it has ever since given me
an aversion to gaming. In my twelfth year, I suffered very much for two
or three false concords. At fifteen I was sent to the university, and
stayed there for some time; but a drum passing by, being a