In a German Pension

In a German Pension
by Katherine Mansfield

Contents.
1. Germans at Meat.
2. The Baron.
3. The Sister of the Baroness.
4. Frau Fischer.
5. Frau Brechenmacher attends a Wedding.
6. The Modern Soul.
7. At Lehmann's.
8. The Luft Bad.
9. A Birthday.
10. The Child-Who-Was-Tired.
11. The Advanced Lady.
12. The Swing of the Pendulum.
13. A Blaze.

1. GERMANS AT MEAT.
Bread soup was placed upon the table. "Ah," said the Herr Rat, leaning
upon the table as he peered into the tureen, "that is what I need. My
'magen' has not been in order for several days. Bread soup, and just the
right consistency. I am a good cook myself"--he turned to me.
"How interesting," I said, attempting to infuse just the right amount of
enthusiasm into my voice.
"Oh yes--when one is not married it is necessary. As for me, I have had
all I wanted from women without marriage." He tucked his napkin into
his collar and blew upon his soup as he spoke. "Now at nine o'clock I
make myself an English breakfast, but not much. Four slices of bread,
two eggs, two slices of cold ham, one plate of soup, two cups of
tea--that is nothing to you."
He asserted the fact so vehemently that I had not the courage to refute
it.
All eyes were suddenly turned upon me. I felt I was bearing the burden
of the nation's preposterous breakfast--I who drank a cup of coffee
while buttoning my blouse in the morning.
"Nothing at all," cried Herr Hoffmann from Berlin. "Ach, when I was
in England in the morning I used to eat."
He turned up his eyes and his moustache, wiping the soup drippings
from his coat and waistcoat.
"Do they really eat so much?" asked Fraulein Stiegelauer. "Soup and
baker's bread and pig's flesh, and tea and coffee and stewed fruit, and
honey and eggs, and cold fish and kidneys, and hot fish and liver? All
the ladies eat, too, especially the ladies."
"Certainly. I myself have noticed it, when I was living in a hotel in
Leicester Square," cried the Herr Rat. "It was a good hotel, but they
could not make tea--now--"

"Ah, that's one thing I CAN do," said I, laughing brightly. "I can make
very good tea. The great secret is to warm the teapot."
"Warm the teapot," interrupted the Herr Rat, pushing away his soup
plate. "What do you warm the teapot for? Ha! ha! that's very good! One
does not eat the teapot, I suppose?"
He fixed his cold blue eyes upon me with an expression which
suggested a thousand premeditated invasions.
"So that is the great secret of your English tea? All you do is to warm
the teapot."
I wanted to say that was only the preliminary canter, but could not
translate it, and so was silent.
The servant brought in veal, with sauerkraut and potatoes.
"I eat sauerkraut with great pleasure," said the Traveller from North
Germany, "but now I have eaten so much of it that I cannot retain it. I
am immediately forced to--"
"A beautiful day," I cried, turning to Fraulein Stiegelauer. "Did you get
up early?"
"At five o'clock I walked for ten minutes in the wet grass. Again in bed.
At half-past five I fell asleep, and woke at seven, when I made an
'overbody' washing! Again in bed. At eight o'clock I had a cold-water
poultice, and at half past eight I drank a cup of mint tea. At nine I drank
some malt coffee, and began my 'cure.' Pass me the sauerkraut, please.
You do not eat it?"
"No, thank you. I still find it a little strong."
"Is it true," asked the Widow, picking her teeth with a hairpin as she
spoke, "that you are a vegetarian?"
"Why, yes; I have not eaten meat for three years."

"Im--possible! Have you any family?"
"No."
"There now, you see, that's what you're coming to! Who ever heard of
having children upon vegetables? It is not possible. But you never have
large families in England now; I suppose you are too busy with your
suffragetting. Now I have had nine children, and they are all alive,
thank God. Fine, healthy babies--though after the first one was born I
had to--"
"How WONDERFUL!" I cried.
"Wonderful," said the Widow contemptuously, replacing the hairpin in
the knob which was balanced on the top of her head. "Not at all! A
friend of mine had four at the same time. Her husband was so pleased
he gave a supper-party and had them placed on the table. Of course she
was very proud."
"Germany," boomed the Traveller, biting round a potato which he had
speared with his knife, "is the home of the Family."
Followed an appreciative silence.
The