Her Own Way | Page 9

a handsome, finely built
man of about thirty-two. He is a West Pointer, is a good oarsman, a
crack shot, and a good fellow all around. No finicking about him, no
nerves. Just a sane, healthy, fine fellow.
DICK. Hello! Many happy returns, Phil. [Shakes hands.] Where's your
Aunt Georgiana! [Silence.] Is she out?
PHIL. No, she's under the table!

CHRISTOPHER AND TOOTS. [Delighted.] She's under the table!
She's under the table!
DICK. [Laughing.] What!
PHILIP. Hide and seek.
[DICK looks under the table; he and GEORGIANA laugh.
DICK. Good morning, are you at home?
GEORGIANA. [Very embarrassed.] Oh, mercy! Do go away so I can
get out!
DICK. [Tremendously amused.] Come on out!
GEORGIANA. No! I can't with you there. [Laughing.] Please leave the
room for just one minute!
DICK. Not if I know it! Come on out!
GEORGIANA. Not for worlds! Go away, please! [DICK shakes his
head "No."] Then I shall never come out.
DICK. Ah, but that's hardly fair, because I want to talk to you
comfortably.
GEORGIANA. Well, then, come on under!
DICK. Is there room?
GEORGIANA. A cable car conductor who knew his business could
seat four more people in here.
DICK. Still--I think I'm more comfortable up here.
GEORGIANA. Selfish! Go on away! [DICK shakes his head.]
Children, if you love your auntie, go for Mr. Dick with all your might
and main and push him into the hall.

[The children shout and rush toward DICK; they catch hold of him.
THE CHILDREN. Go away!
DICK. [With mock ferocity.] The first child I get hold of I'll spank!
[The children laugh and shout and run away from him to behind the
table.
THE CHILDREN. Spank!
GEORGIANA. Ogre! Very well! After all, I'm not vain! It would take
Barnum's human snake to get out of this gracefully, anyway!
[Coming out, arranging her dress and hair.
DICK. Have some help?
GEORGIANA. No, thank you. But still, what a horrid person you are,
aren't you?
[They both laugh.
DICK. You aren't!
GEORGIANA. O dear me! Making up now with a compliment! Well,
what do you think of my birthday antics? Playing hide and seek--or,
perhaps, trained elephants--doesn't interest you!
CHRISTOPHER. Lelephants! Oh, Auntie! Is the circus coming?
[The children give themselves up to transports. PHIL hugs TOOTS and
repeats "Circus."
GEORGIANA. No, darling, but this circus is going--your old-maid
aunt--to put herself to rights!
DICK. You couldn't improve on present appearances!

GEORGIANA. Really! Such fine speeches! But they don't go with
your manners! Would you like to join in the game?
PHILIP. Oh, yes! Hurrah!
[Runs to DICK, when MRS. CARLEY comes in from the Left.
MRS. CARLEY. Well! What's going on?
PHILIP. Birthdays!
MRS. CARLEY. Not for me!
GEORGIANA. Don't you want to play hide and go seek, mother?
MRS. CARLEY. I'm playing it all the time with old age! That's
enough!
GEORGIANA. Well, excuse me, please, while I repair damages.
[She goes out Right.
DICK. [Calls.] Come back.
CHILDREN. [Calling.] Come back!
MRS. CARLEY. I want the children for a few minutes.
THE CHILDREN. [Disappointed.] Oh, Grannie!
[She goes to children and drives them off Left ahead of her.
THE CHILDREN. Oh, Grandma!
MRS. CARLEY. Mrs. Vale is downstairs with the twins, to wish Phil
many happy returns.
[The children go out Left unwillingly. MRS. CARLEY comes back.

DICK. Going to spoil our game, Grandma?
MRS. CARLEY. Don't you grandma me! You're old enough for me to
marry you.
DICK. Help!
MRS. CARLEY. Don't worry! Having lost two good husbands, I'm not
going to risk losing a third.
DICK. I breathe freely once more.
MRS. CARLEY. I thought Sammy Coast was here.
DICK. Not since I came. He seems a clever chap!
MRS. CARLEY. We think so, and we hope so. He adores Georgiana.
DICK. Oh!
MRS. CARLEY. Huh! huh! [DICK walks away.] What do you say to
that match?
DICK. You don't mean?--
[Turns to MRS. CARLEY.
MRS. CARLEY. Looks like it! It would be a fine thing for both of
them. Sam could give her a fortune, and Georgiana give him a big
position.
DICK. But--
MRS. CARLEY. He's crazy about her! Comes here every day--follows
her like a dog.
DICK. But it isn't--
MRS. CARLEY. [Interrupting.] Not yet, but we don't dare breathe!

And we're on tiptoe for the final word.
DICK. What does Steven say?
MRS. CARLEY. Delighted, of course. [Walks away a little.] I hope
you haven't brought Steve any tips to-day.
DICK. [Laughing.] No!
MRS. CARLEY. Thank goodness! He doesn't seem to have had any
this week and the house has been fairly quiet! [GEORGIANA comes
back.] I must go to Mrs. Vale. [Goes out.]
GEORGIANA. Mother looks pleased.
DICK. She's never very depressed, is she?
GEORGIANA. Yes, sometimes,--in the day-time! It's largely a matter
of frocks and bonnets, and depends sometimes on