Her Own Way | Page 5

give each one of you a ring in place of it. What kind
will you have, Elaine?

[He makes movement towards each child as he asks the question.
ELAINE. One big pearl with two great big rubies.
GEORGIANA. Mercy! Small order!
COAST. Very well. And you, Phil?
PHILIP. I don't want any ring. I want a watch and chain.
COAST. Good! And you, Chris, do you want a ring?
CHRISTOPHER. I want a gun!
COAST. All right. [Writing.] And Toots?
TOOTS. Nanny goat!
[They all laugh. MOLES and FOOTMAN enter, answering the bell
which GEORGIANA has rung.
GEORGIANA. The table, Moles.
MOLES. Yes, ma'am.
[Takes away small plates, etc.; he then goes out Right, followed by
FOOTMAN, who takes everything else from the table, leaving only the
cover and a false nose left from the mottoes.
PHILIP. [Crosses to GEORGIANA at table.] Grandma's been up and
said we were all to go and see mamma.
GEORGIANA. Go in your mottoes; that will be great fun!
ALL THE CHILDREN. Oh, yes! Hurrah!
[Running off Left.
GEORGIANA. Ssh! Don't shout so; remember poor mamma's

headache!
[All repeat, "Remember poor mamma's headache" and take hands as
they tip-toe out, PHILIP first, ELAINE second, CHRIS third, TOOTS
fourth, repeating "Poor mamma's headache" in a whisper till they are
all out.
COAST. I can't get this damned thing on. Too bad Cousin Loo's ill.
GEORGIANA. Oh, she isn't really. Louise is never perfectly well and
happy unless she has something the matter with her, especially if she
has nothing else to do; she's bored to-day, so she's got a headache!
To-night, when there's a big ball to which she is not invited, she'll be
frightfully alarmed about herself for fear of appendicitis, but to-morrow,
when we have smart company at luncheon, she'll recover like a shot!
It's all right for Louise, but it's hard on my brother, who really adores
her.
[She sits beside the table.
COAST. Adores! Say! That's the word I want to use about you!
[Follows GEORGIANA to table, moves chair to front, and sits.
GEORGIANA. Nonsense, Sam! Do you know anything about some
stocks called United Copper?
COAST. Rotten! Don't touch it!
GEORGIANA. My brother had a tip this morning on United Copper
and wanted me to give him some money to put in it.
COAST. Listen! don't you do it.
GEORGIANA. I wish you'd use your influence with Steven to help
him.
COAST. How?

GEORGIANA. You must know how mad he is over speculation? But
perhaps you don't know that he has gone through all his own money,
and, if she'll let him, he'll go through his wife's next. [Smiling.] Then I
suppose it would be my turn!
COAST. Why doesn't he keep out of it?
GEORGIANA. He can't, we must keep it out of him! Out of his blood!
COAST. There's only one way.
GEORGIANA. What?
COAST. Ruin him!
GEORGIANA. That's too anarchistic! You speculate.
COAST. But I always win!
GEORGIANA. Can't you teach him?
COAST. Listen, if I could do that, I'd be the richest man in the world
before I got through.
GEORGIANA. Can't you give Steve a tip on some sure things?
COAST. There ain't any sure things.
GEORGIANA. Why, other friends of Steve are always "putting him on
to something good."
COAST. And what happens?
GEORGIANA. [Smiling distressfully.] Well, he does lose, usually.
COAST. I guess so!
GEORGIANA. But you must often have inside information.

COAST. And how much is that worth?
[Takes up the false nose from table.
GEORGIANA. Well, it usually costs Steve all he has! But I thought
you--
COAST. [Interrupting.] Miss Georgiana, you see this false nose?
GEORGIANA. Yes.
COAST. [Putting it on.] Well, now what do I look like?
GEORGIANA. [Laughing.] I shouldn't like to say!
COAST. Exactly! Well, see? That's what I'd be if I believed in tips and
"inside information." If a man gives your brother a good tip, let him
drop it like hot lead. People with a real good tip ain't giving it away.
There's never enough to divide up and go around,--not in this
world,--and inside information that gets told to a lamb like your brother
is too damned outside information for me!
[He rises and moves away, half in irritation, half in humor.
GEORGIANA. Oh! Oh!
COAST. Pardon.
GEORGIANA. Are you as rich as people say?
COAST. Richer!
GEORGIANA. How did you get it?
COAST. I started my dough with a mine.
GEORGIANA. Why can't you put Steve into a mine?
COAST. [Laughing.] What's the use? he'll lose everything just as quick

in Wall Street.
GEORGIANA. But I mean a good mine.
COAST. [Coming back to her.] Listen! I worked right in our mine with
my father when I was only eight years old! That's why I ain't better
educated--I worked for ten years there down in the dirt