Heart of Darkness | Page 8

cloth slippers were propped
up on a foot-warmer, and a cat reposed on her lap. She wore a starched
white affair on her head, had a wart on one cheek, and silver-rimmed
spectacles hung on the tip of her nose. She glanced at me above the
glasses. The swift and indifferent placidity of that look troubled me.
Two youths with foolish and cheery countenances were being piloted
over, and she threw at them the same quick glance of unconcerned
wisdom. She seemed to know all about them and about me too. An
eerie feeling came over me. She seemed uncanny and fateful. Often far
away there I thought of these two, guarding the door of Darkness,
knitting black wool as for a warm pall, one introducing, introducing
continuously to the unknown, the other scrutinizing the cheery and
foolish faces with unconcerned old eyes. Ave! Old knitter of black
wool. Morituri te salutant. Not many of those she looked at ever saw
her again--not half, by a long way.
"There was yet a visit to the doctor. `A simple formality,' assured me
the secretary, with an air of taking an immense part in all my sorrows.
Accordingly a young chap wearing his hat over the left eyebrow, some
clerk I suppose,--there must have been clerks in the business, though
the house was as still as a house in a city of the dead,-- came from
somewhere up-stairs, and led me forth. He was shabby and careless,
with ink-stains on the sleeves of his jacket, and his cravat was large and
billowy, under a chin shaped like the toe of an old boot. It was a little
too early for the doctor, so I proposed a drink, and thereupon he
developed a vein of joviality. As we sat over our vermouths he
glorified the Company's business, and by-and-by I expressed casually
my surprise at him not going out there. He became very cool and
collected all at once. `I am not such a fool as I look, quoth Plato to his
disciples,' he said sententiously, emptied his glass with great resolution,
and we rose.

"The old doctor felt my pulse, evidently thinking of something else the
while. `Good, good for there,' he mumbled, and then with a certain
eagerness asked me whether I would let him measure my head. Rather
surprised, I said Yes, when he produced a thing like calipers and got the
dimensions back and front and every way, taking notes carefully. He
was an unshaven little man in a threadbare coat like a gaberdine, with
his feet in slippers, and I thought him a harmless fool. `I always ask
leave, in the interests of science, to measure the crania of those going
out there,' he said. `And when they come back, too?' I asked. `Oh, I
never see them,' he remarked; `and, moreover, the changes take place
inside, you know.' He smiled, as if at some quiet joke. `So you are
going out there. Famous. Interesting too.' He gave me a searching
glance, and made another note. `Ever any madness in your family?' he
asked, in a matter-of-fact tone. I felt very annoyed. `Is that question in
the interests of science too?' `It would be,' he said, without taking
notice of my irritation, `interesting for science to watch the mental
changes of individuals, on the spot, but . . .' `Are you an alienist?' I
interrupted. `Every doctor should be--a little,' answered that original,
imperturbably. `I have a little theory which you Messieurs who go out
there must help me to prove. This is my share in the advantages my
country shall reap from the possession of such a magnificent
dependency. The mere wealth I leave to others. Pardon my questions,
but you are the first Englishman coming under my observation. . . .' I
hastened to assure him I was not in the least typical. `If I were,' said I,
`I wouldn't be talking like this with you.' `What you say is rather
profound, and probably erroneous,' he said, with a laugh. `Avoid
irritation more than exposure to the sun. Adieu. How do you English
say, eh? Good-by. Ah! Good-by. Adieu. In the tropics one must before
everything keep calm.' . . . He lifted a warning forefinger. . . . `Du
calme, du calme. Adieu.'
"One thing more remained to do--say good-by to my excellent aunt. I
found her triumphant. I had a cup of tea--the last decent cup of tea for
many days--and in a room that most soothingly looked just as you
would expect a lady's drawing-room to look, we had a long quiet chat
by the fireside. In the course of these confidences it became quite plain
to me I had been represented to the wife of the high dignitary, and

goodness knows to how many