Happiness and Marriage | Page 3

met in a spirit of respect and
inquiry, with a view to understanding and learning from it; if over and
through all his picture Tudor spreads a glow of purpose to preserve his
own respect and love for her, at all costs;--if this is the sort of picture
Tudor makes in the silence he will surely realize it later.
It requires but one to strike the keynote of respect and personal freedom
in marriage; the other will soon come into harmony.
You can readily see that all marital jars come from this lack of equality
in the individual mind. If a man thinks he is perfectly able to take care
of and to judge for himself he resents interference from another. On the
other hand if he believes his wife is equally able to judge for herself, he
never thinks of interfering with her actions. Of course the same is true
of the wife. It is lack of respect and confidence which begets the
making-over spirit in a family, and from this one cause arises all in
harmony.

Individual freedom is the only basis for harmonious action; not only in
marriage but in all other relationships of life.
And individual freedom cannot be granted by the man or woman who
considers his or her judgments superior to the judgments of another. A
man must accord his wife equal wisdom and power with himself, else
he cannot free her to act for herself. A woman must accord her husband
that same equality, or she cannot leave him free.
It is human (and divine) nature to correct what we believe to be wrong.
Only in believing that the other "king (or queen) can do no wrong," lies
the possibility of individual freedom, in marriage or out.
The man or woman who knows he or she is believed in and trusted is
very careful to deserve that trust. Did you know that? The sure way to
have your wishes consulted is to exalt and appreciate the other party.
Did you know that a man or woman will cheerfully sacrifice his or her
own opinions in order to retain the respect and love of the other? But if
he thinks the respect and love of the other party is growing less he will
give free reign to his own desires.
Married people "grow apart" for the one reason that they find fault with
each other. Of course it begins by their being disrespectful to each
other's faults, but it soon develops into disrespect of each other. From
"looking down" upon a husband's faults it is only a few short steps to
looking down upon him. His faults keep growing by recognition, and
his good points keep shrivelling for lack of notice, until in your mind
there is nothing left but faults. From trying to make him over you come
to despair, and give him up as an altogether bad job.
And there isn't a grain of sense in all this madness. Stick to the TRUTH
and you will get rid of the madness and the friction, too. The truth is
that your husband, or your wife, would be an egregious fool to follow
your judgments. You don't know beans from barley corn when it comes
to the actions of anybody but yourself. The One Spirit which enlightens
you as to your actions is also enlightening your other half as to her
actions; and do you suppose this Spirit is going to favor you with better
judgment about your other half's duties, than it has given her? I guess

not. Don't be presumptuous, my boy. Do you own little best, and trust
your other half to do hers. Trust that she is doing the best.
And above all trust the One Spirit to run you both.
If you do this your wife will rise fast in your esteem. And the higher
she finds herself in your esteem the harder she will try to please you--
and rise higher.
And, girls, don't forget that the shoe fits equally well the other foot.
Either man or wife can bring harmony out of chaos simply by
respecting the other half and all his or her acts.
A marriage without "even a pinhead of bitterness" is a marriage without
a pin-point of fault-finding, mental or oral.
CHAPTER II.
A TALE OF WOE.
"Why is it that, in more than two-thirds of families the wife and mother
bears not only the children but the burdens and heartaches? The
husband supplies the money (generally not enough), the wife has the
care of a growing and increasing family, the best of everything is saved
for 'Father' and he is waited on, etc. If the children annoy him he goes
to his club; if the wife dies, why there are plenty more women for the