Frank Mildmay | Page 4

all my fame and celebrity in after-life. I had always hated school;
and this, of all others, seemed [seem] to me the most hateful. The
emancipation of Johnny Pagoda convinced me that my deliverance
might be effected in a similar manner. The train was laid, and a spark
set it on fire. This spark was supplied by the folly and vanity of a fat
French dancing-master. These Frenchmen are ever at the bottom of
mischief. Mrs Higginbottom, the master's wife, had denounced me to
Monsieur Aristide Maugrebleu as a mauvais sujet; and as he was a
creature of hers, he frequently annoyed me to gratify his patroness. This
fellow was at that time about forty-five years of age, and had much

more experience than agility, having greatly increased his bulk by the
roast beef and ale of England. While he taught us the rigadoons of his
own country, his vanity induced him to attempt feats much above the
cumbrous weight of his frame. I entered the lists with him, beat him at
his own trade, and he beat me with his fiddlestick, which broke in two
over my head; then, making one more glorious effort to show that he
would not be outdone, snapped the tendon Achilles, and down he fell,
hors de combat as a dancing-master. He was taken away in his gig to be
cured, and I was taken into the school-room to be flogged.
This I thought so unjust that I ran away. Tom Crauford helped me to
scale the wall; and when he supposed I had got far enough to be out of
danger from pursuit, went and gave information, to avoid the suspicion
of having aided and abetted. After running a mile, to use a sea phrase, I
hove-to, and began to compose, in my mind, an oration which I
intended to pronounce before my father, by way of apology for my
sudden and unexpected appearance; but I was interrupted by the
detested usher and half a dozen of the senior boys, among whom was
Tom Crauford. Coming behind me as I sat on a stile, they cut short my
meditations by a tap on the shoulder, collared and marched me to the
right about in double quick time. Tom Crauford was one of those who
held me, and outdid himself in zealous invective at my base ingratitude
in absconding from the best of masters, and the most affectionate,
tender, and motherly of all school-dames.
The usher swallowed all this, and I soon made him swallow a great deal
more. We passed near the side of a pond, the shoals and depths of
which were well-known to me. I looked at Tom out of the corner of my
eye, and motioned him to let me go; and, like a mackerel out of a
fisherman's hand, I darted into the water, got up to my middle, and then
very coolly, for it was November, turned round to gaze at my escort,
who stood at bay, and looked very much like fools. The usher, like a
low-bred cur, when he could no longer bully, began to fawn; he
entreated and he implored me to think on "my papa and mamma; how
miserable they would be, if they could but see me; what an increase of
punishment I was bringing on myself by such obstinacy." He held out
by turns coaxes and threats; in short, everything but an amnesty, to

which I considered myself entitled, having been driven to rebellion by
the most cruel persecution.
Argument having failed, and there being no volunteers to come in and
fetch me out of the water, the poor usher, much against his inclination,
was compelled to undertake it. With shoes and stockings off, and
trousers tucked up, he ventured one foot into the water, then the other; a
cold shiver reached his teeth, and made them chatter; but, at length,
with cautious tread he advanced towards me. Being once in the water, a
step or two farther was no object to me, particularly as I knew I could
but be well flogged after all, and I was quite sure of that, at all events,
so I determined to have my revenge and amusement. Stepping back, he
followed, and suddenly fell over head and ears into a hole, as he made a
reach at me. I was already out of my depth, and could swim like a duck,
and as soon as he came up, I perched my knees on his shoulders and
my hands on his head, and sent him souse under a second time, keeping
him there until he had drunk more water than any horse that ever came
to the pond. I then allowed him to wallow out the best way he could;
and as it was very cold, I listened