Diary Written in the Provincial Lunatic Asylum

Diary Written in the Provincial
Lunatic Asylum

The Project Gutenberg EBook of Diary Written in the Provincial
Lunatic
Asylum, by Mary Huestis Pengilly This eBook is for the use of anyone
anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You
may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project
Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
www.gutenberg.org
Title: Diary Written in the Provincial Lunatic Asylum
Author: Mary Huestis Pengilly
Release Date: May 16, 2006 [EBook #18398]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DIARY
FROM LUNATIC ASYLUM ***

Produced by Stacy Brown, K.D. Thornton and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net

DIARY WRITTEN IN THE Provincial Lunatic Asylum,
BY
MARY HUESTIS PENGILLY.
_The prison doors are open--I am free; Be this my messenger o'er land
and sea._
PUBLISHED BY THE AUTHOR. 1885.

This little book is humbly dedicated to the Province of New Brunswick,
and the State of Massachusetts, by one who has had so sad an
experience in this, the sixty-second year of her age, that she feels it to
be her imperative duty to lay it before the public in such a manner as
shall reach the hearts of the people in this her native Province, as also
the people of Massachusetts, with whom she had a refuge since driven
from her own home by the St. John fire of 1877. She sincerely hopes it
may be read in every State of the Union, as well as throughout the
Dominion of Canada, that it may help to show the inner workings of
their Hospitals and Asylums, and prompt them to search out better
methods of conducting them, as well for the benefit of the
superintendent as the patient.

December.--They will not allow me to go home, and I must write these
things down for fear I forget. It will help to pass the time away. It is
very hard to endure this prison life, and know that my sons think me
insane when I am not.
How unkind Mrs. Mills is today; does she think this sort of treatment is
for the good of our health? I begged for milk today, and she can't spare
me any; she has not enough for all the old women, she says. I don't
wish to deprive any one of that which they require, but have I not a
right to all I require to feed me and make me well? All I do need is
good nourishing food, and I know better than any one else can what I

require to build me up and make me as I was before I met with this
strange change of condition. I remember telling the Doctor, on his first
visit to my room, that I only needed biscuit and milk and beef tea to
make me well. He rose to his feet and said, "I know better than any
other man." That was all I heard him say, and he walked out, leaving
me without a word of sympathy, or a promise that I should have
anything. I say to myself (as I always talk aloud to myself when not
well), "You don't know any more than this old woman does." I take tea
with Mrs. Mills; I don't like to look at those patients who look so
wretched.
I can't bear to see myself in the glass, I am so wasted--so miserable. My
poor boys, no wonder you look so sad, to see your mother looking so
badly, and be compelled to leave her here alone among strangers who
know nothing about her past life. They don't seem to have any respect
for me. If I were the most miserable woman in the city of St. John, I
would be entitled to better treatment at the hands of those who are paid
by the Province to make us as comfortable as they can, by keeping us
warmed and fed, as poor feeble invalids should be kept.
December 20.--I have made myself quite happy this week, thinking of
what Christmas may bring to many childish hearts, and how I once
tried to make my own dear boys happy at Christmas time. I helped poor
Maggy to make artificial flowers for a wreath she herself had made of
cedar. She was making it for some friend in the Asylum. She never
goes out; she wishes to go sometimes, but Mrs. Mills scolds her a little,
then she works on and says no more about it. Poor Maggy! there is
nothing ailing her but a little too much temper. She does all the
dining-room work--washes dishes and many other things.
January.--They have had a festival; it was made, I suppose, to benefit
some one here; I